Monday, December 26, 2005


Hi Bloggers. I shall not taint this miraculous resurrection of my blog site with insincere apologies about how selfish I have been by not filling you all in on my comings and goings, for the following reasons:-

  1. I HAVE been writing on the page - just not publishing... don't be so demanding!
  2. Instead of reading about my sad little life... get one of your own. One where you can bitch about how rude 'other' people are and invent reasons for why your boss doesn't like you rather than face the truth and accept that we can all be jerks every now and then. Embrace it!
  3. Yadda yadda yadda (fill in the blanks... )

It takes time to apologise too.... you know, properly.... Enjoy the rest

Earth to Internet Space Demons - over and out.

Wednesday, August 31, 2005

You still here?

Hi Blog Blaggers... you still here? ;-D

It has been a very very busy few months, and my desire to update my site has been retarded by the shear amount of anecdotes available to me... BOOOoooooo!!

So here resides my bid for anecdotial freedom:-

The grass is always worth two in a bush when crying over spilt milk.
This simply means be thankful for what you have, hold onto what you love and if it all goes wrong - don't blame me you shit.

He who laughs last counts their chickens, is another mans gain.
Means, thinking that you are on top of a situation means generally you have misread a situation and there are plenty of people available to take advantage of that particular mistake. No, not cynical - just being helpful.

Ok ok.. not so much anecdotes than proverbs. Wise up wise ass and read between the lines.


Monday, July 25, 2005

Hi this is Divina... I'm coming to get you!!

Hi Bloggers. Its time to comment on Big Brother once more (please return to your net surfing if human nature bores you).

I have not really watched an awful amount of this series.. they all seem to comprise the same basic ingredients and the house mates evolve slightly from one year to the next. One subject which always has been extremely contentious both inside and outside the house is the question of being true to ones self.. or to put it other words - being themselves...

We all appear to have a huge respect for house mates who can just be themselves.. I have a question though. Who are we to know what motivates these characters? How do we know what we are seeing is the real personality and what is a act to get attention? To get closer to an acceptable answer lets look at a few conclusions which can be drawn. Firstly - the contestants will be thrown into the lime light.. this is a home truth. The organisers will surely only allow contestants who will stand up to the abuse and interview within acceptable limits. This rules most of us out from the start. Secondly - each contestnt must be able to bring a certain 'something' to the show. This could be as basic as being able to cook well for a large group.. or as complicated as being able to articulate dissatisfaction through swearing - rather than stabbing people for using the loo too often... ( I'm pretty sure that never happened.. must have dreamt it.)

In a nut shell, none of this matters to us, as viewers. We want to see the real people. We are dissappointed when a favourite house mate turns out to be just a big bully, we can empathise with the contestants who are most like ourselves - then be completely confused when they hailed by the media and public to be f**kwits. Amusingly we want to see disjointed behaviour, arguments, bust ups, nastiness.. BUT only if the outcome is that we get to see the real person behind the angry red faces and broken crockery. The art is to stand up for your beliefs... have plenty of them and never ever force them on others. Allow others make their own judgements and have fun with that.

Cubastica- CA-CA-KAAAAaaaa!!

Friday, July 01, 2005


No I did not make that word up! If you do not know its meaning then shame on you! Back to play school and this time learn - dammit!!

The process of changing completely.. but in the context of this Blog.. I mean ourselves. The biggest badest example of this known to the science fiction community (and us Blog Blaggers!) is of course Doctor Who. Or to put it more concisely, when the good Doctor changes into his next physical form.. this is Transmogrification. You dig?

We must be allowed to change. Around us exist the notion that change is too unpredictable, change is unreliable... society is telling us that changing for the sake of changing is wrong. I want to talk about this change for no reason. I do not wish to put this subject of change in any kind of context - this bores me. If you choose to draw a kind of relation to it with me having to describe a situation where it may arise... then I have done quite well.

Change - brings about new challenges. If this change happens to be yourself, and your attitude, or your behaviour... then this is a new challenge within yourself. What can be simpler? The constant attacking and asking questions of your very own motives and ideas are the actions of a person wanting to grow and explore, looking at each new encounter in wonder and trying to learn from them. Maybe the 'complete' change is not adviseable to us - at this time, but flirting with the idea that we can alter mood, personality, outlook, and disposition surely will keep us and others around us from getting too bored.


Thursday, June 23, 2005

Happy Monthday!!

My blog site is now officially 1 month old.. has it only been that long? Lol.. its seems like longer - right? Breasts !!*

Just recently, I have been making use of this wonderful weather and skating into work. I recommend it to anyone - blasting along the pavement, weaving in and out of pedestrians and workmen... you just can't beat it. ;-D

I have been a bit reclusive this past few weeks and plan on lighting the blue touch paper under my social life again this weekend... and in the meantime I will hunt out some juicy gossip for a Blog later this afternoon. Look forward to that....

Ok... I'm finished updating- get lost.

*Breasts... again please read the previous two Blogs.

Thursday, June 16, 2005

"Book'em Danno"

Just the other day.. earlier on in the week, my normal homeward bound journey was made a little more exciting. Upon reaching the top of Blackboy Hill, I was confronted with lots of police, a car blanced on its roof and the resulting tail back of traffic. Question. Does anyone know what this was all about?

I did kinda assume that this was a staged event for the filming of CASUALTY! There seemed to be no petrol spillage, no one running around crazed with bleeding head wounds... maybe this was just a stunt. If anyone can tell me what happened.. then I will be very appreciative... may even buy them a pint. Steady now...aye.

This brings me smartly to my real point. I wanna be a TV star! I live with a couple of guys in a fantastic house.. we have an ace roof terrace. The scene is set...(wavy soft dissolve to several guys and gals on the roof top having a BBQ)...


I'm thinking a lot of music, booze, food, girls, guys.. and also me.. maybe balancing on the roof edge? Of course you get cool shots of the Brissol skyline and a a great scene where I dive head first into a neighbours car. Fantastic!! Orrr.. NO! We can get a mini ramp up on the roof and organise an impromtu skate and booze sesh! Culminating in me over shooting the ramp coping and hurtling to my doom.. with a gnarly crazed look on my face - SLAM!

Yep.. thats the one.. if there are any Casualty script writers out there.. drop me a message..


*LESBIAN.. read the blog below.

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

Google Gootastic!!

Hey Blog Blaggers. Over the last few weeks I have written to Google™, I have reposted my blogspot and attached a few links to increase its chances of being noticed. Finally after all my hard nagging.. its here!! Yes, you too can now find my site with increased effectiveness through my clever use of keywords... SO...please forgive me if I suddenly type odd words within my blogs to draw more attention to it. I shall warn you by entering them LIKE THIS. This is when you can recognise my media whorishness (is that word? It is now), and look away :-D SEX !!

Friday, June 10, 2005

Creative Interlude III

The Garden of Confusion

I have found my happy place it has spoken to me,
My mind now calm, comfortable, complacent and free.
Turmoil and pain are a far distant memory,
Construction of this womb is my soft garden of serenity.

Delusion, confusion are what have caused me to flee,
Not to know, to judge, to react and finally forget how to see.
My thoughts are lost, not to understand, incarceration of serendipity,
The womb is my prison; this warm fuzzy feeling; it is killing me.

Cubes 2005©

EARTH! FIRE! WATER! WIND!...parrrrrp...

Hi Blog Blaggers... the weekend is upon us once again! Yay!! This weekned will see me getting happily drunk tonight in Mbargo's with my extreme sports buddy, then quite possibly some good old chill out and recoup for the rest of my free time... mmmm... sooo lazzzy..

Of course crusin down Whiteladies road,whilst still hungover is mandatory on a Saturday... watch out pedestrians... (look out for drunk boy with sunglasses on a skateboard).


No - it is not a swear word. I feel that this part of my life has been neglected. Please join me in a brief whistle stop tour of the black art we call Star Sign Astrology.... mmwaaha ha ha haaaa.

I have been able to identify my star sign, element, symbol etc etc.. and some of it bothers me. It feels a little too precise. The results, alarmingly, I can identify with. So.. I checked out my nearest and dearest too. My conclusions are as follows....

The fact that I can identify with it means that so can everyone else. The fact that everyone in some shape or form can do this, is in how each description and comparison is written. Clever use of objectively and subjectively flavoured extracts. It kinda pulls you in and teases you, allowing you to see what you need to see. Fire signs who are impulsive and energetic, earth signs - grounded and career driven.. then you can attach a chinese symbol and element and suddenly you are a fire breathing water ox! What the fook!? I like the idea, I like that it holds up a mirror and forces you to say "Yeah, I do love it when my partner does that" or "Thats why we never got along...", then finally.. it forces you to see your strengths and weaknesses and how they may be accentuated or reserved. I really really do like that. SO here we are a water ox in a china shop and a tiger uppercut later... we are sitting on our bottom, wondering if all this mumbo jumbo was actually worth understanding at all. Let me say that anything which forces you to just sneak a peak at the real you - your wants, desires, needs, the things which get you mad... how can this ever be a waste of time? Next time some one holds up the proverbial mirror and invites you to have a gander... do it... but next time, take your time, look close and try and see what everyone else does. You are an ulgy muther... enjoy.

Thursday, June 09, 2005

Who loves short shorts!?

The weather was so nice this morning that the skateboard came out again... but this time - so did the shorts... :-D

While I was cruisin' the sidewalk to work, listening to some tunes, taking in the sights... I was amazed at how many cars (some incredibly large - yeah you Mr Range Rover!!) only had a single person in them! The traffic was dense and jammed up, and the sun was shining... amazing. I can understand the convenience of utlilizing your own motorised transport, but when the traffic is this bad - surely convenience has been replaced with laziness?

The Transport Secretary Alistair Darling has only just revealed a possible pilot scheme to help reduce traffic in the form of... wait for it - satellite tracking everyone using British roads. Heheheeee. Yeah its true. Yes it is!. So, the scheme proposes that satellites trace your route through the English countryside, about a built up city and on the motorway. You will be then charged on a per mile basis and the rate will depend upon how much of a hotspot of congestion that particular road is. For example, the M25 in rush hour may cost you £1.40 a mile... compared to 2p a mile for the dirt track leading up to Mrs Moggins country cottage. All this replaces our current road tax and fuel duties, in the hope of hitting the congestion hard through making it just too expensive to travel at all!

This is of course all pie in the sky, and also a completely unsustainable solution to our transport problems.. but... it does kinda throw up an interesting idea.... Pay-and-go Cars!

Just imagine having to top up your account before setting off for work or to visit yah granny!
Upon starting up your engine, a well educated female voice filters through your speakers. "Your balance is low - please top up now"
"ok, ok ok."
"If you wish to pay by top up card or voucher, please press 1 on your NAV System now.." pause " If you wish to top up by credit or debit card, please press 2 on your NAV System now.." Press 2.
"You have chosen to top up this vehicle by credit or debit card, please enter the card number as printed on the front of the card. Once you have finished, then press the hash key"

I think you get the idea....


Tuesday, June 07, 2005


I have resisted the temptation to return to contract phones for about 2 years now... the lure is an ever present danger to a portion of my disposable income each month - i must resist!!

So, ok.. i am going to give it a go this weekend - see how many free minutes/texts each month it takes to sell my soul to the network daemons. The question is, how much research do I need to partake in before I bear arms? I like to feel a little bit prepared.. you know so I am not completely brainwashed by talktime industry quotes and hands free juggling. So no!.. I am not going to point at a pretty box exclaiming "I want that one" OR try to attach every single plastic talking box to my new jeans belt before my mate can.. even though the latter sounds like fun - again.

No doubt what will happen is the same thing that always happens.... after a brief period of unsatisfying foreplay with the sales person, a number misleading questions about your mobile phone habits - then finially what is your favourite colour (cut to the bridge of death sketch in Monty Pythons 'The Holy Grail'...WHAT.. is your favourite colour?!), then BLAMMO!

You are at home with a phone you can't use for the infinitely small size of the buttons, the security code they gave you - actually locks the phone out (everytime), it looks more like clam shell than a clam shell does and the only way you can get a signal for the new fangled network is by hanging off your roof chimney when air pollution is at absolute zero. This weekend is going to be a blast.....

Friday, June 03, 2005

Free Willy

Another successful weekend of drunkard adventures has come to pass... and i survive - still.

The journey down to Mexico* was very entertaining, infact my friend Augustus* seemed enthused about the whole trip and conversation quickly transformed into a heated debate about the existence of free will. Big topic this.. if we push ourselves hard, the realisation that our free will is a man made illusion, caging our mind and feeding it candy is never an easy one. Yet everytime i have this insane conversation.. it fills me with a small amount of dred.

After a long gesticulated rant, the debate ended once Augustus* announced that in order to prove to me that free will existed.. he would hurl himself from the car whilst we were travelling down the motorway. Now... I do find myself feeling very passionate about my opinions and I really enjoy the conversations - but the thought of my friend flying through the air at 70mph screaming out "There! THERE YOU SEE I WAS RIGHT!! I HAVE FREE WILLLLLLL" and landing in hospital or worse.. made me think. IT scared me.. and made me think too.

I nonchalantly passed his threat to kill himself to prove a point as a random one. In which case how can free will ever be 'free' if infact all it was, was a random decision, made in the heat of the moment (straw clutching). A conscious decision to make this leap of faith to a mangled doom was a big archilles heal to my argument... so - I concluded:-
The need to feel that free will exists is an extremely powerful one, without it, we loose control, we loose direction, we infact loose our indiviuality. To some of us, this loss is uncomfortable. To others it may be worse than death itself - who wants to continue living if none of the decisions you make are your own.. SO, surely by default, your upbringing and major influences will govern the importance in which you place your free will! His actions were predictable, Augustus was only reacting to realisation that this free will may indeed be just an illusion.. fear is the real enemy. Not the loss of a debate, not the loss of large amounts of skin onto the tarmac. Fear of change and of the unknown, we are knowing creatures - we have to understand. Anything which we cannot understand - we fear. Some may meet this head on and analyse thier way through the minefield, some may just switch off and never give it another moments thought. How do you deal with fear?

*Mexico.. Theres no place like home.
*Agustus.. Is protected.


With another weekend fast approaching which promises to be spiritually rewarding one (hehehe..I said spiritual).. and if you are not yet adept at second guessing my basic life trends, then my mate Jack Daniels™ (our spiritual leader!) will put your mind at ease... well actually he finds numbing the brain an extremely effective way of doing this - we love you Uncle Jack™!

This weekend sees me return to my humble beginings and tread (and skate dude!) the sacred streets of my home town of Mexico*. Now, I know what you are goner say - "why you going back dude! Brissol is where its at.. you're crazy maaannnn!". Why thankyou, yes indeed i am crazy. This is merely a brief interlude to my awesome adventure in quite possibly the coolest place on earth (WHAT DO YOU EXPECT. I COME FROM MEXICO*!!... oh, that actually didn't work did it? Ok ok ok. Insert the place name Little Snoring* for Mexico*. Shit, thats just rude - because there is a place named Little Snoring*. Insert 'a little township where a large number of the occupants still believe that the postmans job is not only to deliver letters and parcels, but also to diversify the family gene pool '.

So to summarise:-

•Yes, my car is now fully operational* :-D •Yes, I am now broke •Yes, I am feeling bitter and twisted about not becoming a garge mechanic •Yes, I am now crying.... •Oh-oh-oh annnd Yes, you will get to hear about my weekend adventures - you lucky Blog Blaggers. Group hug!!

*Mexico.. HahahahahahaHAAAAA-HAhahahahahuh (wipes tears from eyes) HAAHAHAhahaha..mmmm. HA! Señor.
*Little Snoring.. ZzzZZzzzzZZZzz....bugger off now.
*fully operational.. "Fire at will admiral.." (Its a Star Wars thang.. get a Star-life dudes!)

Wednesday, June 01, 2005


You will definitely have to excuse my dullness today.. i had only a few hours sleep and still the local moggies* were able to 'give it some' in the street below. The resulting noise was disturbing.

i) Car is in garage. Praying.
ii) Star Wars III is still great the second time you watch it. Bo Selecta!!
iii) Cats DO NOT make beautiful music together. Fact.
iv) People ARE strange. (Thankyou Echo And The Bunnymen) Word.

*moggies.. Domesticated felines, but NOT subtle.

....normal service will resume after these words from my sponsor.....

1.2.many - because your judgement in now in our hands
"Are you fed up with making a fool of yourself infront of your friends and collegues whilst under the influence? And to top it all off you manage to upset a special friend or estranged ex partner by cell phone at 4 o'clock in the morning. Well, we may not be able to prevent you from alcohol abuse, but we can save you 'abusing' your associates by digital cell phone! With this new product - the 1.2.many!!"
"Yes thats right. Simply attach this wonderful gizmo to your cell phone and voila! No more 'being sent to coventry' because YOU can't handle your drink (warning-internalisingyour fearsandparanoia
"Once this technological marvel has been attached it can actually detect, if you have had one to many from a breath sample, and completely BLOCK you from making that embarrasing call in the wee early morning hours. Just organise the numbers you wish to block, then if the 1.2.many unit detects a level of alcohol - set by YOU.. it will completely prevent you from dialing that number!"
"Thats just amazing! You mean it actually blocks ALL calls from that group of numbers?"
"Why yes. It also doubles nicely as breathalyser, in case you are unsure as to whether or not your ability to DRIVE.. has been impaired by your boozing."
" So there we have it, the 1.2.many... freedom from idiocy is only a phone call away!!"

Tuesday, May 31, 2005

Creative Interlude II

How about those lies?

Shrugging of shoulders, followed quickly by loss of eye contact,
Your stomach flips, heart rate skips, jerky motions, this is it…
The self satisfying ooze of despair and misconception, opened ended deception,
A tide of complete confusion, overbearing the truth at every imaginable resurrection.

Detached view of the conversation, the truth, a misrepresentation, working in unison,
Clouding your intentions, clouding my intentions, a haze of objection,
The mind finally accepting the delusion, the objective conclusion, the truth is told, validation…
Calmness was our intention, a truth and a lie, no longer polarised, just ever so slightly revised.

Cubes 2005©

Woods, trees... and algebra.

Don't tell me the truth - i deserve a lie!
It’s all a delightful play on words and thoughts. I must love this shit. Makes me feel important? Intelligent? Sure it does, its my domain, my chosen field of play. To confuse even further the bare principles of life. I feel insanely jealous of those who need not go through this. My need and want to look inwards is almost self destructive to the end that I can count every time that I do.. a small piece of me dies.. a very thin sliver of my own person ‘self’ gets obliterated.
So my confusing journey is in fact a journey to mass destruction? Leads to more confusion? You know what.. I kinda feel like my self sacrifice is not going to go unnoticed. Once I have satisfied myself with my insane research to broaden my knowledge and look inwards.. maybe I have taken the burden off of someone else doing it. We are not individuals after all.. just another brick in the wall, another lamb to the slaughter, another dumb mind – brainwashed, another voice in the darkness… another lonely soul, waiting for a saviour. Hell, if there is no such thing as the self, what exactly am I destroying? The circle is infinite.. Complex, but the simplest form known to mankind. Regularity is in fact irregular. Its seem s that we can apply this logic to a wide variety of subjects. Without regularity we cannot not assess the irregularities of life. Without pain.. how can we enjoy the pleasures of life? This flip side of reality is polarization.

How are we to define something as existing, unless we can imagine what life would be like if this ‘thing’ didn’t exist? What is love without hate? What is poverty without the very rich? Indeed, what is the truth, if we cannot create a lie? Our quest (my quest) for the truth is the inexplicably hard, may even be impossible. How about a quest for the lies… the wool being pulled over our eyes. I feel that a trip into how and why we can live a lie is a way to tackling the ultimate truth. One is the opposite side of the same coin. If I hold the coin in my hand facing one direction… surely I can understand that coin is still the same one object, or tool. It doesn’t matter what face I look at.. It’s the same question, the same answer. Its right in front of me, but which side I look at is my choice. Our choice. We can only see what we want or need to see. We have limitless capacity to think and revel in our ability to lie to ourselves and others. We understand.. Yet find no understanding in why we do this. The illusion of choice and freewill. Its hard to accept that our choices seem to be contaminated by our past and possibly even by our self manufactured future, Its hard to accept that no matter what we do, who we turn to, what decisions we make.. they cannot be wholly our own thoughts or prejudices. If we always look at ourselves as individuals and find that we all appear to be ideally the same.. that’s got to be again, 2 sides of the same coin – our identity.

Yes, I understand that we will appear to carve out our own personal style and arrive at conclusions at different times, etc etc. When you look at yourself.. do you see decisions that you have made? Do you see your own identity as a ‘thing’? To be truthful about this, if you believe that your identity is kind of linked to some altered sense of reality and a ‘soul’ like being.. then you have arrived at what I call a ‘comfort zone’. You do not have all the answers, you can lie to yourself about the existence of supernatural ‘special’ forces which has created your ‘soul’ and it all seems perfect. The truth is not this easy. It is not a point that you can arrive at and feel good, job done – go home.

Now lets look at the more common attitude to personal identity. Your thoughts are impulses and chemical reactions in your brain. The faster ones are the ones which you have become accustomed to using. If you have trouble showing feelings.. then those particular impulses are harder to fire up. If you are one of those lucky types who has good fortune, the impulses which draw you instinctively to situations in which your experience has achieved a certain level of comfort and success in the past will fire up every time you arrive at a new situation – well-done you! Now lets look at the last explanation. These are merely chemical reactions. Your brain is a product of a fertilization process set about by your mother and father. These are the building blocks of your existence. Now throw in life experiences/teachings and wham you have a mind willing to accept what is comfortable, real and also its capacity to accept what seems to be more like faith and surreal. You invent this identity, at no point can you attribute what you know and how you act directly to your own personal identity. EVEN IF THIS IS DOING THE OPPOSITE OF WHAT YOU WERE TAUGHT TO DO…it is just a type of expression. You are trying to say to the world that you exist as a person. So we can arrive at a conclusion that yes, maybe we are all pretty much the same. Some can see the wood for the trees, some can love with passion, some can do algebra in their sleep. It is all a matter of how we were taught to approach life and what it throws at us...

Sunday, May 29, 2005

Its an E4 thang

Yesss.. thats right Big Brother 6 has landed. ZzzZZzzZZzz.
Its people watching isn't it? We love it. You can sit for hours.. just watching 12 (14) people trying get along, forming friendships and harbouring resentment for each other. The last series.. i found myself generating opinons of the housemates.. wholy based upon what the cameras choose to show us! These cameras were telling a story, a story of villians and heros, of a princess and a crazed chav lunatic. Its just TV.. the experience was contaminated by a desire to increase viewing figures. My prediction is the same will happen this year. I will be screaming at strangers, laughing at their mistakes, cheering their feeble attempts to currie favour with the general populace with the help of many 'other' media forms.. its just TV.

Peace out Blog Blaggers.

I want to understand, I sometimes feel that I will do anything to understand people, my life, my desires, my contentment, others contentment. I want to share my revelations, my cynical aspirations; I want others to feel the confusion and fear of not knowing anything! Its feels like a constant pain to me. Am i to dull this portion of my psyche and simply ‘get on’ with life? Everyone else around me does.. Can it be that hard? Have I chosen the easy route? I THINK NOT! Wait a second.. my route is by far the hardest, harder than falling asleep at the controls of my life. If we all felt the same as me, surely everyone would talk about this until our fears became a distant memory and we all would treat each other with respect – without prejudice!

Friday, May 27, 2005

Closet monsters...

Just enough time to quickly get back to a major gripe of mine.. leading nicely into a fun packed weekend (pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease!!).

"Are you gay?"
"What me?.. Nah, just a bit happy."
"No no no.. i meana are you gay? My mate over there fancies you."
This was my first night out in Brissol. Of course I quickly checked my attire for relative levels of pinkness... nope clean.. then of the surrounding occupants. No.. just a few drunk students and a few cool ones. Not a gay party.
"Err, no. I am straight - but thanks!"
WHAT? But thanks? Hehehe.. laugh it off.. continue dancing.. actually.. i'll move first - then dance. Shit.. i'm getting a drink in.

Christmas party 2004:
"Hey Gary! Don't speak much since we are opposite ends of the office, do we?"
"HA! Yeah thats cool.. these parties gives us all time to catch up and introduce each other."
"Yeah! Yeah. Are you gay?"
"Excuse me?" I just misheard heard him.
"Everyone down the other end.. think you are gay - are you?"
"No... whats going on? Was I playing Kylie Minogue too loud again? Hahaha!"
Keep smiling.
"Oooo right! Sorry about that.. you know the hair, the clothes.. tight trousers! Hahaha!"
What the? Tight trousers? I'm wearing jeans you moron! Oh and they are fitted... FIT-TED!
"Thats ok... I have a girl friend." Well, we just split - point made. "You are not my type.. hahaha!"
"Cool, nice chatting to you Gary! Wanna pint? Glass of wine?"
"Cheers! A pint bitter please!"

Hengrove skate park... March:
*wolf whistle*
Eh? Keep my balance just... take a quick look around, i must have missed a hunny in the park!
*wolf whistle*
Oh, its the chav girlies on the opposite side of the park. Ignore mode.
One approaches. "Hey mister, you got high cheek bones haven't you?"
Wow.. of all the things a chav girlie could say! Quite impressed!
"And a f**king gorgeous arse too. Hahahaha!" Yeah.. that balanced itself out nicely. I smile and continue to skate. 5 minutes later.
"Hey mate! Hay mate! didn't you hear my mate chat you up? ARE YOU GAY?!"
Christ... i'm taking up polo. "Shes beautiful! I'm taken - thats all!"
Ollie to fast plant to acid drop - roll away stoked.

Peace out readers......

Creative Interlude I

Unisex library

We are the ones, who live to be shelved to be stacked,
Organised, pigeon holed, counted and racked.
Our covers are the skin which hint at our contents,
Gaudy, eye-catching, nondescript or revealing our portents.

You can pick and choose us. One, two, three at a time,
We all have contents to realise, bordering on the sublime,
Feeding your curiosity, a spartan gaze is all you need,
The first few pages armoured with doubt, ego and greed.

Your choice is made; we remain closed, waiting to be read,
You prefer to learn our contents page by page instead.
When, eventually you open us you are surprised, what is this prank?
Feverishly poring over each leaf. Page after page after page; blank.

Our contents are to be written, and rewritten with the help of you,
And finally together we can learn, we can experience, we can live; we can love you.

Cuuuuubah! 2005©

Divine Madness.

Hey Bloggers.. its an update. After a disasterous past few days, i was hoping that the 'everything comes in threes' philosophy was just one of them throw away comments. Not tempting fate, but so far so good •tentively checking his watch•, damn.. forgot my watch. May be that was the third? Don't think that even I am that lucky do you?

Golf; I have bad rounds of golf, I mean the sort of rounds that generally culminates in you burying your head in the nearest sand bunker like an ostrich... only to finally leave the course once darkness has fallen. That almost was me yesterday, hehehe.. but the thought of sacrificing a few more cells of grey matter to the God of Drunkards was too enticing, so filling my mouth full of sand can wait .... this week.

So where are we? Oh yeah.. working and hoping that this weekend represents a model for the return of my good luck.. and my grinning face.. and hope... and WHATEVER!

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

•quick intake of breath through teeth• Thats goner cost yah pal!

ARRRrrr Fook! Just got home from the skate park. It was full.. of course! I was spitting and swearing. Got stuck in traffic on the way home too! Yipee! Wait for it.. yes here it comes.. and my cars oil pressure dipped and the engine overheated. There you have it! Happy now?

My life just got soooo much more complicated. I love my car... :-C She was the only reliable lady in my life till then... We go back years, shes got a picture of me in her wallet holder. For Gods sake, we had a future!!

Ok.. i promise not to over dramatise this situation until the grease monkeys have looked at it... but if they confirm my worst fears... its curtains for the ol' gal. No one can replace her......sniff.. hold me please..

Can't we all just get along?

I'm back... after a very long bath and a hard think*.. i have decided that i will go out and see Liverpool play football tonight.. there you go - i said it. I feel dirty now.. i may need another bath.

*think.. Yes I said THINK, you gits.

Oh and i thought about this too.....

Spinning the coin for eternity...
Answers that cannot be found, questions that have no answers, questions that only lead to further questions and finally, the prison we have constructed is visible – incarcerated by our need toknow’. The very thing which promotes freedom for our mind is the cage which holds us firmly in the darkness. If we finally take the plunge and enlightenment becomes a reality to us, we have to change our lifestyle to suit it, this is restrictive. This need to answer and finally put to bed our fears that we hold about our existence, is a journey to feeling comfortable, the internal struggle becomes less important.
Now we have physical impacts on our time. To me.. this is all too easy. I admit I suspect that the resolution of God is a convenient method of stopping the painful time consuming questions that we have every time we look inwards. My conclusion can only be one of admiration for those who can find God. Whatever that may be. They turn the light off – as long as the faith grows and your scruples hold steadfast.. you have no fear left.. it is not an easy life.. don’t get me wrong, but to me the confinement of MY mind to only one perspective would kinda undo everything that I have painfully dissected to date.
Two sides of the same coin...belief and no belief. The coin being God. God is a tool to help life make sense and cast light over our darkness. No belief is not to be pitied, just the same as a pure belief is not to be pitied either! They are one and the same. To have no belief is to disbelieve god. Surely this is as bold a statement as actually believing that a god does exist! In fact.. an important book has been written about it! Therefore it leads us to one important realisation.. We need god… even if its to dispute his existence. Incredibly though, moralistically speaking.. God has a larger influence in our lives than we could ever imagine...


Decided not to skate last night.. instead, i shoe horned several pints down my neck @ Embargos. with Augustus*, my extreme sports buddy, and his work collegue Billy Bob*.

Crazy. So many girls in there! lol. Anyways.. a short notice days holiday and I'm here at home - alone.. with a headache..grrrrrrrrrrrrrr BENT!!

I'm sure more things will come to me today.. interesting things to say.. but for now.. peace and speak soon Blog Blaggers.

*Augustus.. protected - like i really know an Augustus!

*Billy Bob.. in Brrissol? Well ok.. its not his real name anyway. Spack.

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

Attack of the Alones II

Not Brissol related I'm sorry to say.. but I'm IN Brissol.. so there. Boo hoo.

Just had a number of texts from the latest (3 months) X. screams!• Cleverly she was able to deliver the •I've met someone else now• line, lol (you girls). You know the one... where your stomach turns into a 90 year old mans and suddenly everything around you moves at light speed. I wasn't expecting that.. or was I? Yeah sure I was.. its kinda cool now - she was big on having guy mates and maintaining a distance between them all.. guess i get to be one of those guy mates.. just a shoulder to cry on once in a while. Full circle? Errr not quite. One of her 'mates' is actually her new fella. wwwwwwwwwwwWWWHHHAT? Yeah.. thats really leaves the field in a disasterous position. The substitutes are suddlenly getting warmed up! •Hey, I think the manager is goner pick me next!• Says one of the young hopefulls. Hehehe.. and i can sit back and enjoy the twisted array of tactics employed to keep everyone happy. Joking aside though.. what of the new star player? He has trained hard for the day, always been there, never missed a training session, making use of every opportunity to show his skill. He knows the moves! How will he react when another hopeful steps off from the bench to limber up and prove that he is now ready to join the field of play? That sounds like too much pressure for me to handle.. but thats just me. Do I want to wait until the closing few miniutes of the match and come on to bang 3 goals home? LOL.. nope. My presence will always maintain that the pressure never subsides... that only the best will get to play... and never forget... its a game of 2 halves..

Public health warning:

Its dry Blog Blaggers!! Bit windy.. but that means skate city tonight!! Heheheee.

Note to all readers. I am going to candidly talk about my life and express my desires and fears on this page. If you do not like what you read or feel that a small amount of revenge is necessary to keep my cheeky ass in line.. then drop by and 'smack me up' with a comment. I make no appologies for its content and also the language used. I am only human.. and it is my life and right to make it stupidly complicated and dangerous. HA! On the brightside.. its not like this page is goner be published anywhere important!! Get over it. Any resemblance to any person, living or dead, is purely coincidental....obviously.

You ain't all that!

I have spoken to many strangers on the internet.. people who i will never get to meet - ever. I have listened and allowed myself to try and see how their point of view, may help me understand the way that they see the world. NOT that this is important.. but if you have something to say.. you must be prepared for others to listen! Are we all so far gone.. that listening is now considered a lost black art? Lol, my GOD.. he listened to ME! How dare he.. he actually questioned what i am saying.. gutted ;-D

Had a great evening though! Chatted to Sabrina*, looks like a cool friendship is building up there.. makes me happy - no tension and no uncomfortable moments. Managed also to have a brief conversation with a very interesting gal from Timbuktoo* too... She has had beliefs in the past quashed by some sort of life experience.. maybe a lost love? I don't really know, but I have a feeling that I will be talking to her again sometime. Looking forward to that.

*Sabrina.. protected. Not her real name.
*Timbuktoo.. i think you are getitng the hang of this now..

If the weather changes and it drys out.. could see me ripping up the local skate park with attitude.. please please be dry!! Shit.. its just started to rain again. :-(

I sense much fear in you
Let us quickly think of those of us who find 'love' earlier on in their lives. Do we regret their lives lost to one? Not to experience others in the way that they experience their perfect partners? Or do we think how lucky they are to experience each other for the rest of their lives? None of us are perfect in anyway shape or form.. but we can find that balance.. that place that speaks to you, filling you with happiness. Giving you hope, answering your questions and expanding your reason. Also, none of us should blindly follow this vision of happiness, letting others dictate our lives. A healthy understanding of what’s around you is the key, opinions count - but not at the cost of a narrow, enlcosed mind.. fearful and unwilling to see what is actually infront of you. Why do we think at all ?

Monday, May 23, 2005

Moody Monday...

Hey blog blaggers. Tis monday once more and only a few short days until we all start planning our weekend again. Doh! Decided to skate into work today - woke up to find my house mate already gone to work.. i only work 2 seats down from him too! Bit of a surprise.. ;-D

Maybe i should tread carefully for the next few days and keep my vastly unpopular thoughts and ideas to myself.. hehehe. Our other house mate hid himself in his room all evening and night... I am thinking practical jokes maybe? Just to get the house comradery going again.

Skating was cool.. a bit tiring (5 miles), but entirely worth it!

Why shouldn't we all be happy?
Well, i guess that is the common right of everyone - to enjoy life and desire the company of those who care for us and make us happy. Lets say we all could unconditionally love one another and spread this happiness to every person that we meet. After a while that love may loose some of its meaning, maybe not seem quite as powerful or important. Surely we can give a little more of yourself to those who really make our life complete? But who? And when we do it.. then how do we make this other person understand how much you really care for them - over and above everyone else.. maybe we could call it super love? Lol.. maybe not.

Sunday, May 22, 2005


Well.. its day one.. first minute and all that.. sitting here on my bed.. towel wrapped round my waist and a cowboy hat on my head.. befitting beginning to quite possibly THE wierdest BLOG session ever... you guys better be up for a small amount of weirdness. Right now tho... i am going down stairs to shoot some enemies on my PS2.. i need violence. After all it is Monday tommorrow!! Yes it is.. oh yes it is! Don't look at me like that.. i don't make up the rules..

This blog is dedicated to all those friends that I have lost contact with and should they stumble upon this site... it stands as a reminder of how less complicated their lives are now... with me not spewing useless crap at them.

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