Thursday, June 23, 2005

Happy Monthday!!

My blog site is now officially 1 month old.. has it only been that long? Lol.. its seems like longer - right? Breasts !!*

Just recently, I have been making use of this wonderful weather and skating into work. I recommend it to anyone - blasting along the pavement, weaving in and out of pedestrians and workmen... you just can't beat it. ;-D

I have been a bit reclusive this past few weeks and plan on lighting the blue touch paper under my social life again this weekend... and in the meantime I will hunt out some juicy gossip for a Blog later this afternoon. Look forward to that....

Ok... I'm finished updating- get lost.

*Breasts... again please read the previous two Blogs.

Thursday, June 16, 2005

"Book'em Danno"

Just the other day.. earlier on in the week, my normal homeward bound journey was made a little more exciting. Upon reaching the top of Blackboy Hill, I was confronted with lots of police, a car blanced on its roof and the resulting tail back of traffic. Question. Does anyone know what this was all about?

I did kinda assume that this was a staged event for the filming of CASUALTY! There seemed to be no petrol spillage, no one running around crazed with bleeding head wounds... maybe this was just a stunt. If anyone can tell me what happened.. then I will be very appreciative... may even buy them a pint. Steady now...aye.

This brings me smartly to my real point. I wanna be a TV star! I live with a couple of guys in a fantastic house.. we have an ace roof terrace. The scene is set...(wavy soft dissolve to several guys and gals on the roof top having a BBQ)...


I'm thinking a lot of music, booze, food, girls, guys.. and also me.. maybe balancing on the roof edge? Of course you get cool shots of the Brissol skyline and a a great scene where I dive head first into a neighbours car. Fantastic!! Orrr.. NO! We can get a mini ramp up on the roof and organise an impromtu skate and booze sesh! Culminating in me over shooting the ramp coping and hurtling to my doom.. with a gnarly crazed look on my face - SLAM!

Yep.. thats the one.. if there are any Casualty script writers out there.. drop me a message..


*LESBIAN.. read the blog below.

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

Google Gootastic!!

Hey Blog Blaggers. Over the last few weeks I have written to Google™, I have reposted my blogspot and attached a few links to increase its chances of being noticed. Finally after all my hard nagging.. its here!! Yes, you too can now find my site with increased effectiveness through my clever use of keywords... SO...please forgive me if I suddenly type odd words within my blogs to draw more attention to it. I shall warn you by entering them LIKE THIS. This is when you can recognise my media whorishness (is that word? It is now), and look away :-D SEX !!

Friday, June 10, 2005

Creative Interlude III

The Garden of Confusion

I have found my happy place it has spoken to me,
My mind now calm, comfortable, complacent and free.
Turmoil and pain are a far distant memory,
Construction of this womb is my soft garden of serenity.

Delusion, confusion are what have caused me to flee,
Not to know, to judge, to react and finally forget how to see.
My thoughts are lost, not to understand, incarceration of serendipity,
The womb is my prison; this warm fuzzy feeling; it is killing me.

Cubes 2005©

EARTH! FIRE! WATER! WIND!...parrrrrp...

Hi Blog Blaggers... the weekend is upon us once again! Yay!! This weekned will see me getting happily drunk tonight in Mbargo's with my extreme sports buddy, then quite possibly some good old chill out and recoup for the rest of my free time... mmmm... sooo lazzzy..

Of course crusin down Whiteladies road,whilst still hungover is mandatory on a Saturday... watch out pedestrians... (look out for drunk boy with sunglasses on a skateboard).


No - it is not a swear word. I feel that this part of my life has been neglected. Please join me in a brief whistle stop tour of the black art we call Star Sign Astrology.... mmwaaha ha ha haaaa.

I have been able to identify my star sign, element, symbol etc etc.. and some of it bothers me. It feels a little too precise. The results, alarmingly, I can identify with. So.. I checked out my nearest and dearest too. My conclusions are as follows....

The fact that I can identify with it means that so can everyone else. The fact that everyone in some shape or form can do this, is in how each description and comparison is written. Clever use of objectively and subjectively flavoured extracts. It kinda pulls you in and teases you, allowing you to see what you need to see. Fire signs who are impulsive and energetic, earth signs - grounded and career driven.. then you can attach a chinese symbol and element and suddenly you are a fire breathing water ox! What the fook!? I like the idea, I like that it holds up a mirror and forces you to say "Yeah, I do love it when my partner does that" or "Thats why we never got along...", then finally.. it forces you to see your strengths and weaknesses and how they may be accentuated or reserved. I really really do like that. SO here we are a water ox in a china shop and a tiger uppercut later... we are sitting on our bottom, wondering if all this mumbo jumbo was actually worth understanding at all. Let me say that anything which forces you to just sneak a peak at the real you - your wants, desires, needs, the things which get you mad... how can this ever be a waste of time? Next time some one holds up the proverbial mirror and invites you to have a gander... do it... but next time, take your time, look close and try and see what everyone else does. You are an ulgy muther... enjoy.

Thursday, June 09, 2005

Who loves short shorts!?

The weather was so nice this morning that the skateboard came out again... but this time - so did the shorts... :-D

While I was cruisin' the sidewalk to work, listening to some tunes, taking in the sights... I was amazed at how many cars (some incredibly large - yeah you Mr Range Rover!!) only had a single person in them! The traffic was dense and jammed up, and the sun was shining... amazing. I can understand the convenience of utlilizing your own motorised transport, but when the traffic is this bad - surely convenience has been replaced with laziness?

The Transport Secretary Alistair Darling has only just revealed a possible pilot scheme to help reduce traffic in the form of... wait for it - satellite tracking everyone using British roads. Heheheeee. Yeah its true. Yes it is!. So, the scheme proposes that satellites trace your route through the English countryside, about a built up city and on the motorway. You will be then charged on a per mile basis and the rate will depend upon how much of a hotspot of congestion that particular road is. For example, the M25 in rush hour may cost you £1.40 a mile... compared to 2p a mile for the dirt track leading up to Mrs Moggins country cottage. All this replaces our current road tax and fuel duties, in the hope of hitting the congestion hard through making it just too expensive to travel at all!

This is of course all pie in the sky, and also a completely unsustainable solution to our transport problems.. but... it does kinda throw up an interesting idea.... Pay-and-go Cars!

Just imagine having to top up your account before setting off for work or to visit yah granny!
Upon starting up your engine, a well educated female voice filters through your speakers. "Your balance is low - please top up now"
"ok, ok ok."
"If you wish to pay by top up card or voucher, please press 1 on your NAV System now.." pause " If you wish to top up by credit or debit card, please press 2 on your NAV System now.." Press 2.
"You have chosen to top up this vehicle by credit or debit card, please enter the card number as printed on the front of the card. Once you have finished, then press the hash key"

I think you get the idea....


Tuesday, June 07, 2005


I have resisted the temptation to return to contract phones for about 2 years now... the lure is an ever present danger to a portion of my disposable income each month - i must resist!!

So, ok.. i am going to give it a go this weekend - see how many free minutes/texts each month it takes to sell my soul to the network daemons. The question is, how much research do I need to partake in before I bear arms? I like to feel a little bit prepared.. you know so I am not completely brainwashed by talktime industry quotes and hands free juggling. So no!.. I am not going to point at a pretty box exclaiming "I want that one" OR try to attach every single plastic talking box to my new jeans belt before my mate can.. even though the latter sounds like fun - again.

No doubt what will happen is the same thing that always happens.... after a brief period of unsatisfying foreplay with the sales person, a number misleading questions about your mobile phone habits - then finially what is your favourite colour (cut to the bridge of death sketch in Monty Pythons 'The Holy Grail'...WHAT.. is your favourite colour?!), then BLAMMO!

You are at home with a phone you can't use for the infinitely small size of the buttons, the security code they gave you - actually locks the phone out (everytime), it looks more like clam shell than a clam shell does and the only way you can get a signal for the new fangled network is by hanging off your roof chimney when air pollution is at absolute zero. This weekend is going to be a blast.....

Friday, June 03, 2005

Free Willy

Another successful weekend of drunkard adventures has come to pass... and i survive - still.

The journey down to Mexico* was very entertaining, infact my friend Augustus* seemed enthused about the whole trip and conversation quickly transformed into a heated debate about the existence of free will. Big topic this.. if we push ourselves hard, the realisation that our free will is a man made illusion, caging our mind and feeding it candy is never an easy one. Yet everytime i have this insane conversation.. it fills me with a small amount of dred.

After a long gesticulated rant, the debate ended once Augustus* announced that in order to prove to me that free will existed.. he would hurl himself from the car whilst we were travelling down the motorway. Now... I do find myself feeling very passionate about my opinions and I really enjoy the conversations - but the thought of my friend flying through the air at 70mph screaming out "There! THERE YOU SEE I WAS RIGHT!! I HAVE FREE WILLLLLLL" and landing in hospital or worse.. made me think. IT scared me.. and made me think too.

I nonchalantly passed his threat to kill himself to prove a point as a random one. In which case how can free will ever be 'free' if infact all it was, was a random decision, made in the heat of the moment (straw clutching). A conscious decision to make this leap of faith to a mangled doom was a big archilles heal to my argument... so - I concluded:-
The need to feel that free will exists is an extremely powerful one, without it, we loose control, we loose direction, we infact loose our indiviuality. To some of us, this loss is uncomfortable. To others it may be worse than death itself - who wants to continue living if none of the decisions you make are your own.. SO, surely by default, your upbringing and major influences will govern the importance in which you place your free will! His actions were predictable, Augustus was only reacting to realisation that this free will may indeed be just an illusion.. fear is the real enemy. Not the loss of a debate, not the loss of large amounts of skin onto the tarmac. Fear of change and of the unknown, we are knowing creatures - we have to understand. Anything which we cannot understand - we fear. Some may meet this head on and analyse thier way through the minefield, some may just switch off and never give it another moments thought. How do you deal with fear?

*Mexico.. Theres no place like home.
*Agustus.. Is protected.


With another weekend fast approaching which promises to be spiritually rewarding one (hehehe..I said spiritual).. and if you are not yet adept at second guessing my basic life trends, then my mate Jack Daniels™ (our spiritual leader!) will put your mind at ease... well actually he finds numbing the brain an extremely effective way of doing this - we love you Uncle Jack™!

This weekend sees me return to my humble beginings and tread (and skate dude!) the sacred streets of my home town of Mexico*. Now, I know what you are goner say - "why you going back dude! Brissol is where its at.. you're crazy maaannnn!". Why thankyou, yes indeed i am crazy. This is merely a brief interlude to my awesome adventure in quite possibly the coolest place on earth (WHAT DO YOU EXPECT. I COME FROM MEXICO*!!... oh, that actually didn't work did it? Ok ok ok. Insert the place name Little Snoring* for Mexico*. Shit, thats just rude - because there is a place named Little Snoring*. Insert 'a little township where a large number of the occupants still believe that the postmans job is not only to deliver letters and parcels, but also to diversify the family gene pool '.

So to summarise:-

•Yes, my car is now fully operational* :-D •Yes, I am now broke •Yes, I am feeling bitter and twisted about not becoming a garge mechanic •Yes, I am now crying.... •Oh-oh-oh annnd Yes, you will get to hear about my weekend adventures - you lucky Blog Blaggers. Group hug!!

*Mexico.. HahahahahahaHAAAAA-HAhahahahahuh (wipes tears from eyes) HAAHAHAhahaha..mmmm. HA! Señor.
*Little Snoring.. ZzzZZzzzzZZZzz....bugger off now.
*fully operational.. "Fire at will admiral.." (Its a Star Wars thang.. get a Star-life dudes!)

Wednesday, June 01, 2005


You will definitely have to excuse my dullness today.. i had only a few hours sleep and still the local moggies* were able to 'give it some' in the street below. The resulting noise was disturbing.

i) Car is in garage. Praying.
ii) Star Wars III is still great the second time you watch it. Bo Selecta!!
iii) Cats DO NOT make beautiful music together. Fact.
iv) People ARE strange. (Thankyou Echo And The Bunnymen) Word.

*moggies.. Domesticated felines, but NOT subtle.

....normal service will resume after these words from my sponsor.....

1.2.many - because your judgement in now in our hands
"Are you fed up with making a fool of yourself infront of your friends and collegues whilst under the influence? And to top it all off you manage to upset a special friend or estranged ex partner by cell phone at 4 o'clock in the morning. Well, we may not be able to prevent you from alcohol abuse, but we can save you 'abusing' your associates by digital cell phone! With this new product - the 1.2.many!!"
"Yes thats right. Simply attach this wonderful gizmo to your cell phone and voila! No more 'being sent to coventry' because YOU can't handle your drink (warning-internalisingyour fearsandparanoia
"Once this technological marvel has been attached it can actually detect, if you have had one to many from a breath sample, and completely BLOCK you from making that embarrasing call in the wee early morning hours. Just organise the numbers you wish to block, then if the 1.2.many unit detects a level of alcohol - set by YOU.. it will completely prevent you from dialing that number!"
"Thats just amazing! You mean it actually blocks ALL calls from that group of numbers?"
"Why yes. It also doubles nicely as breathalyser, in case you are unsure as to whether or not your ability to DRIVE.. has been impaired by your boozing."
" So there we have it, the 1.2.many... freedom from idiocy is only a phone call away!!"
Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...