Saturday, December 30, 2006

Party Season

Happy New Year!! Thanks for reading this post and here are my new year duties/resolutions.

  1. Not to get blind drunk on a night out anymore. A few beers will see me being social and at the same sort of wave length as my drinking buddies... but not stop me from maintaining a conversation before swaying about, falling over or generally acting like an idiot.
  2. Make sure my savings include for a new car too... I am tiring of the white monster. She is making me sad now.
  3. Keep up the training ;-D
  4. Look for a new pad to live - somewhere on my own for a little while. Try a new area of the city.
  5. Do something creative with my spare time. Films/Poetry/Photography/Art.
  6. Properly learn a new language - and not half heartedly buy another language dictionary.

That'll do for now.


Monday, December 18, 2006


It's the Christmas run up week people!! One more week of feverishly working to clear my desk in readiness for the holiday break and then I can relax a little. SO the idea is to complete my Xmas shopping (Complete? How about start?) during this week... half day off Friday should do the trick I think. BAM! One hit. No worries.

...just wish I could get into the spirit of it. Time again to off load some recent bad feelings.

Idiot unhelpful help desks - especially city council ones... here is a snippet of a an earlier conversation:

Hi, I would like to know where my account stands please as I seem to be have kept out of the loop of communication. I have just recieved a letter from some bailiffs!!

Yes Mr Cuba, you owe £198. It was not paid, so we had a magistrates court obtain the right enter your premises so we can collect what you owe.

... WHAT? Last time I spoke to you - I dropped a letter off at your offices and the summons, which has been a mistake, was going to be dropped. I am awaiting a new bill! Not a BAILIFF!

You do have the bill Mr Cuba?


The bill stands and nothing short of paying it will prevent us from entering your property.

This is NOT what I had discussed with one of your colleagues just 3 weeks ago! There was a mix up with the dates of my previous house mates leaving and I rectified that in a letter... do you have the letter?

Yes we do, its in front of me now.

Well read it.

The bill needs to be paid sir.

WHAT! I was asked to get this letter over to you and then we can try and work out how this mistake all happened!

You do have the bill sir?

Right. I last spoken to a colleague-

-Sorry sir we have no record of this conversation.

Do you record telephone conversations?

Yes we do sir.

Can you obtain the recording for the last one I made to you - is it on file?

Maybe it is, maybe it isn't... we don't record them all.

.....I need to talk to your manager if that is ok. I wish to make a complaint.

I will send out a comments form to you sir.

NO, no. Since this whole issue has been exasperated by a break down in communications... I will send YOU a letter, can I have an address and name to make this complaint out to please?

I'm affraid that this letter may be dealt with any one of around 30 offices sir. I cannot give you an address.

Eh? I need an address.

Send it to the one on your bill please sir.

A name?

I'm sorry, since this can be dealt with-

-WAIT, who is your supervisor?

Mrs %%%%%%, you can mark the letter for the attention of Mrs %%%%%%%.

Can you explain to me why I have been given a rebate for a month which you are now charging me the full rate PLUS...PLUS another £98 magistrate courts costs? Can you just think for a second, why this should be?

I couldn't possibly answer...

You have all the correspondance in front of you... if you take all of this - create a time line of events... this is what your colleague did by the way, and hey presto... none of it adds up.


I hang up...

Just a quick word to all those telephonists and helpdesk operators out there... I know it must be hard - especially since your are front line to probably the rudest conversations ever... but please, use your noodle and atleast try to help. FACT is - some of you CAN do your job, some of the time.

You have just made my hate list... can't believe how fast that list is growing.

  1. Helpdesk operators (some)
  2. Bullies (all)
  3. Idiot hacking chav footballers (all)
  4. Jacks
  5. Brizzle drizzle


Friday, December 15, 2006

The Lords Prayer

So here it is... again; Friday. Let us pray.

Our Father, who art in heaven,
hallowed be thy constitution.
Thy shots of sambuka round,
thy will be downed,
on earth as it is in heaven
Give us this weekend our premium beer.
And forgive us our alco-pops,
as we forgive those who puke upon us.
And lead us not into Wetherspoons,
but deliver us from beers glasses.
For thine is the hangover, the sickness and the late mornings. for ever and ever.

Monday, December 11, 2006

Tis the season to PAR-TAY!

Working as a consultant (rather than a company employee), I had already removed the idea that I may enjoy a Christmas party with my work colleagues this year. BUT... surprise surprise... I have an invite! It's a Friday evening do - dinner jackets etc. It doesn't sound too exciting... but you never know. I have been proven wrong many times before. The party has all the hallmarks of a sleeping giant - really! A nights stay at a nice hotel with a bar tab and a swimming pool in the basement....what more can I ask? Rock on!! Well apart from a thick sprinkling of the fairer sex... then the mix may be completed.

Are we talking about a celebration of 80's curtain designs? OR

Something in between would really be quite attractive.

Thursday, December 07, 2006

St Christopher... you dawg!

I had another near miss again this morning on my scoo-tay, this time with a car. As I have clocked up a few of these encounters - I think it is about time I shared the wealth of my knowledge to date.

Bristol City - Scooter/Motorcyclist Survival Guide

  1. Give yourself plenty of space/time to brake. This is especially important in the wet. I had my bike for only a few hours before I had to brake really hard - behind a police van. I did have enough distance to stop. 4/5 safety points to me.
  2. Using the cycle lanes. Only do this at a cycle speed! I was caught out going up hill undertaking stationary traffic in a cycle lane, when a car travelling towards me turned right (thats across the cycle lane) between 2 traffic jammed cars. I get 1/5 safety points there because I was travelling way to fast. I ended up glancing the kerb to avoid becoming a bonnet ornament. Having said that, if I was a quick moving cyclist... the same accident would have happened. So thats a black mark on the car driver too.
  3. When travelling down the centre of traffic which has stopped - take extreme care. I have been almost taken down by a pedestrian crossing between a van and a bus... emerging to find me bearing down on them. Also I have been hit by a car who was pulling out of a junction between a bus and a car... 3/5 safety to me. Both occasions I saw the danger and could not avoid it - so I slowed. Had I been faster.. then it would have been another story. This is a classic mistake by motorists and pedestrians - they are being allowed passage by someone else... and therefore are blinded to your position.
  4. Travelling on Bus lanes/cycle lanes. Again this is a dicey one. Take every precaution to see what is ahead. This morning I came closest to flying because a big van allowed a car on the opposite side of a road to cross over his lane and the bus lane to access a junction. The driver did not see me until I was right on top of him... and he was accelerating FAST! 3/5 for my safety there. This was one of those times where I had no chance... but I still knew it was wet and there was a big van at a junction - blinding me and the car driver to traffic. The car driver has a BIG black mark here. If I was a cyclist... travelling at the same speed - then I would have been broken badly. The lane he was crossing is used by bikes and scooters... he has no excuse, car drivers must take care whilst crossing these lanes blind.

In conclusion

When it is wet, take it easy and be extra vigilant. When you approach a bus or van which blinds you and also any other potential road users to your position - SLOW DOWN IMMEDIATELY! Buses and vans are THE biggest risk you have as a biker. Buses and vans remove all control you have over the situation. When you approach these vehicles at speed... you are throwing the dice of death.


Tuesday, December 05, 2006


It's that time of year again... Christmas and Happy New Year cards to be chosen. I knida gave up on that a few years ago - deciding that there was way too much pressure to be original, or witty, or thoughful or tasteful.... BAH! So I abstain. Life would be great if I were part of a religion which prevented me from sending out seasons greetings cards... but life is never that simple.

Ok, I'm a coward.

Also; there are sooo many designs to choose from. What if someone else picked the same ones as you? Does this mean you forever have a card twin? 'shrugs' Meah... I 've been called worse.

It's same with birthday cards too. Just when you have picked one that you think is perfect.. you spot another which has an even more perfect message to deliver - and £1.50 less to boot! Wow... I need help. Infact... thats exactly what I need! Help! No - not that kind of help, but card choice assistance. I mean, some people (some rich people) have personal shoppers, yeah? Why can't shop assistants stalk the card shop aisles like REAL sales persons? Rather than cast odd looks at you, when you finally dump the card, novelty mug and cuddly toy onto the cash register, why can't they offer frank and much needed advice to us - on the floor?

After pawing over the 'happy birthday' selection for 15minutes... and finally forgetting who you are buying for - then enter THE ASSISTANT.

ass.1 "Buying for anyone in particular sir?" identifying that you are infact hovering between mother/daughter.
me "Yes please, I am looking to buy a card for my mums birthday."
ass.1 "Excellent! Are you close?"
me "errrr... what?"
ass.1 "Are you close to your mother sir? Do you wish to let her know that she is 1 in a million?"
me "Yes we are, and yes I do - BUT..." pointing at the red glittery card with 'MUM YOU ARE ONE IN A MILLION!' written in bold on the front "... not sure that I want send that one. Infact I probably don't have the money to be able to pay the postage - it is pretty big wouldn't you say?"
ass.1 "Yes, I see what you mean - I did choose that card for the collection to be bought by the more audacious customers" eyes up my grey trousers. "perhaps this one?" Handing over a small white card with a present embossed on it. The message reads 'To a mother who deserves everything she has worked hard for in life Happy Birthday... I love you'.
me "I like the design... but I don't want to say to my mum that she has worked hard for my love." I chuckle.
ass.1 "Hmm" giving me a stern look "since you seem so fond of a joke, may I take this opportunity to point you towards our humourous collection?" Now we are talking! Everybody loves a good joke at their own expense... now wheres that rude one?
ass.1 "Sir! I was merely joking. Have you no shame?"
me "Look ass.1, I'm not sure how you came to be quite so up tight whilst working in a card shop, full of jokes, toys and seasons greetings... but if you continue to be so depressing - then I'm sure hanging around the collection of sympathy cards would better suit your skills"...swipes any card from display "and good day to you!" Damn... how did a 'congratulations on your retirement' get mixed in with the birthday cards?

Ok, perhaps choosing cards should remain a personal thing, good luck to you all.


Monday, December 04, 2006

Baaaad Beats - OW!

I decided to dedicate this post to the bad beat. This is a term coined by the poker fraternity in order to describe a particular nasty rub of bad luck due to community cards being dealt which defy all odds and cause the recipient to the said 'bad beat' to feel like cow manure... by loosing a hand which they - by rights, should have won.
My kryptonite

Firstly, as a bonified connoisseur of these unfortunate happenings, I feel it neccessary to inform you of how to deal with them.. in an effective manner.

  1. You are at a friends. You have just suffered a bad beat from a case card (ie the only card in the pack which could have caused you this much pain....). Start laughing, but stare off a point just above the bad beaters head. Keep widening those eyes and just let all the laughter out. Stick out your hand to shake theirs in a gentlemanly fashion. Make sure that your laughter gets more and more high pitched as you stare off into the distance. This could make you feel better, but walking off whislt still laughing may infact damage your soul. At the next opportunity shit in his/her bath.
  2. You are at a friends. You have just suffered a bad beat. Congratulate the beater on an immensly well played hand. Describe how you could not possibly have seen that card coming on the river/turn (delete as appropiate) and it was surely a genius play by your friend to forsee such a circumstance. Start slapping yourself with surprise and shock at their genius. Stop when the bleeding starts. Ask to use their toilet to clean up the blood soaked forehead and cheeks, then shit in their bath.
  3. You are at a friends. You have just suffered a bad beat of enormous magnitude. Scream OWWW! Like Michael Jackson would and then start popping to Billie Jean (music in your head). Finishing it off with a triumphant moon walk into their rest room - still busting the odd OWWW! I'm BAD! Shit in their bath. You may want to take a white glove for affect... but take it off once the shitting starts.
  4. You have just suffered a bad beat. Don't say a word, not even when some askes if you want a drink of something to clam yourself down. Just accept defeat and every now and then wimper between hands. Because everyone loves a cry baby. You go girl!
  5. Bad beat comes. Accept defeat with a gracious 'doh' look etched across your face and maybe shake your head in disbelief. Extend a hand for the hand shake then explain that you thought that you saw a poo in his/her bath earlier. Remember it always pays to get your pay back in first... covers the tracks nicely.
You may be forgiven for saying that "Hey Cubes, thats an awful amount of shitting - wouldn't someone begin to notice a pattern forming?" My clever answer would be this. I didn't understand how ingrained in to society all this defocating on someone elses property was until the topic came up in general conversation. Let me tell you - if you poker-it with a group of lads where the majority of them have stories to regale everyone with, which involves the pissing or pooing ontop of another friends property... then surely you are not inconviencing them. Infact you are enriching their lives.

My real answer would be of course... I was joking. Honest.

Happy pokering pokerinos.


Sunday, December 03, 2006

Roof tops

I share a house with a roof terrace and even when it is dark... it is an amazing place to be. This photo taken, I think testifies to that.

Now, do I invest in a peeping toms telescope or not.. that is the question.

Great for BBQ's, sunbathing, parties, peeping, chilling and watching fireworks.

Bristol at night blog blaggers... enjoy

I have just realised how serious the last few posts have been, I will try my best to cheer a few of them up very soon.

Cuba calling

Saturday, December 02, 2006

I'm no dictator

I have been living this particular life for 32 years now... 33 years in 4 days (yipeee!!), and ....wait a minute - I said 'this life'. That doesn't actually mean that I believe in reincarnation or life after death, but it doesn't mean that I don't believe... AND it definitely does not mean I want to cash out! I digress. I'll get back to that one later.

Yes, 32 years. My memory is not great regarding my early years - but I know that I could be terrible, this still happens. Not sure why - but these feelings arise every now and then. Do I wish to apologise to anyone or everyone who I have ever upset during my 'terrible' moments? Why should I? This would be my question. Why would any of this actually matter? I see (as you all must too) idiot boy/girl actions all the time - with no guilt attached, not one iota of understanding of how we really affect each other. No harm no foul. I see what on the surface would be considered an extremely morally sound decision - towards a complete stranger, only to have this 'good' work undone by upsetting a close friend or family member by being ignorant.

I have been confided in. Friends of mine have admitted how upset that they have been regarding the ignorance of others... 'do they not know how this upsets me?'.... To put it simply- no. No one does really. We all have our social limits and we all keep treading on each others toes, intentionally and accidently. Forgiveness is this the key? Passiveness, is this the cure? If we turn a blind eye - how long before you feel used, abused and blatantly trodden on? I guess this all depends on how much you fear the repercussions of your actions.

Take this example. A man only just last year was attacked and permenantly disfigured by a group of youths on a bus. The fight broke out when the random nondescript guy stuck up for himself against a group of children, hell bent on making his journey a misery. Taunting and threatening him, was he right to make a stand? Were the other travellers in the immediate vicinity - right not to intervene and leave a heavily out numbered man to be brutally kicked, punched and stabbed to within an inch of his life? When is enough, enough? In this case the repercussions for the man were serious. Should we all avoid this kind of situation - knowing how quickly the stakes can be increased? There is definitely an argument for walking away there.

Who backs down? Who has the most to loose? What are the odds that you will be the one in physical or emotional debt? These are indeed, all factors to consider.

I guess it all comes back to life experiences. If you have been bullied, then what makes you want to do the same to another person? Filling that void of low self esteem, by flexing your muscles and controlling someone else? I say that we can prevent this awful cycle of abuse from repeating itself, once we have understood what drives us to do what we fear the most... and that is hurt the people we love and care for.

If I were that gentleman on the bus, would I have fought back. Damn right I would. If all other reasonable actions failed and calming the situation down was not working... then yes, I would be fighting back at injustice. The reason? Because I am selfish. In the heat of the moment when everything that I own is on the line... my thoughts would not be of anyone who knows me, loves me or cares for me. My thoughts would be - how can I get myself into and out of this situation, teach the evil doers a lesson and still walk away intact. Not one thought spared for anyone I know. This makes me feel pretty sick.

I'm not sure whether this nature or nurture speaking to me - all I can surmise is that I had better change my nature pretty quickly. Especially since I have found myself in similar situations just recently where I decided to back down and save it for another day... ticking time bomb.

We all do things a little crazy every now and again, I'm sure of that. We can however make a difference by reflecting upon our actions and atleast attempting to make good on our word, and look upon each other as fellow human beings rather than the next shmuck who is going to be trodden on... because someone has done that to you in the past... or simply, you do it because you can.

I hope in my heart that we all do not have to learn these life lessons the hard way, but if this is the only way - then bring on the abuse people. I choose to break that cycle, and it ends with me. No more hazardous social waste by-products will be spewed into other peoples lives through me. Tolerance for idiots is now at zero, forgiveness for people who deserve it at a maximum.


Friday, December 01, 2006

Celebrity twins

I wouldn't exactly call Nicholas Hammond a celebrity (well not in the last 3 decades)... but still, check out the pics below.

Ollie and Nick, separated at birth? You decide.

Incase you didn't know who Nick Hammond is, I can inform you that he played Peter Parker aka Spiderman in the hit 70's shows and film.
I think the likeness is spooky... you go web head!

Cracking up

Hey! Well it's still not official, but the pain and discomfort is enough to tell me that cracked ribs are what I have. You will be pleased to know that I am no longer swearing quite so much, as I have found quite an upbeat article on training with cracked ribs! Wow!

This is cool. I have a gym in my bedroom, so light training to keep my body pumping and in good working order should be possible. I will be out of football or any other vigorous exercise for 6 weeks now.... infact a week before I head off on my first snowboarding holiday next year. Perfect, so things are looking a little more cheery now :-) The down side is not being able to skate during this time.... hmmmmm... I will have an awful amount of time to myself over the next month or so. Lucky it's christmas soon.

I may even finally buy that camcorder I have always pined after and edit together some video clips of the guys playing footie. This would make for great practice in readiness for the snowboarding.... BO!

edit; my ribs are feeling much better today - even without pain reflief. Over the moon....only 5 weeks and 6 days to go... fingers crossed.


Thursday, November 30, 2006

Liable or libel

I appologise for the content of this post... I will be swearing; f%@#ing lots of swearing. I shall however - bleep out as much as I can be bothered to. I am in pain as I write this.

PRO5 you f%@#ing suck!

To be honest I have more often than not been on the recieving end of bad challenges in football, none more than in 5-a-side though. It's the format you see. This kind of fooball attracts the football wannabes, fat, useless idiot tw@#s who think they can play and inevitably - they can't. So they hack you up. Now - this is fine if you have a large field of opening soft greenery... yeah you may still hurt... but only your ego is a little bashed if the f%@#ing tw@# referee doesn't blow his whistle. I deal with it because this is the way of things.

BUT... jam 10 players in a cage, line it with metal and build the floor from what can only be likened to sand paper... then you have trouble just round the corner.

I am not saying all c@#t referees are bad at policing this rubbish football... infact the opposite. A number of them are absolutely brill at their job! However, all it takes is a few bad apples to make the weekly trip to the cage fight (which is called football) a costly experience.

As you may or may not be able to tell.. I am upset, have had enough, on tilt, steamed etc etc. Mainly because of:-
  1. After repeated efforts to ask (lol..ask) the c@#t referee to blow up for challenges which can only end in tears... 8 times out of 10... I would be warned rather than the fat tw@# who just went straight through me, run me into a wall etc. etc.
  2. I look like a little girl - moaning and complaining... I HATE this. Why should I look like the idiot when all I am doing is appealing for fair, nay, SAFE play!!
  3. If step up my game and play a loose dirty game like my opponents.. I am no better than them. Infact in the eyes of football law - I am worse. F%@# THAT!
  4. I have had a few trips to the doctors due to idiot f%@#wits putting in dangerous challenges on me and it has now ended in me sitting here with a cracked rib after being sandwitched by a fat c@#t goalie and his gay lover sliding into me on the edge of the penalty area. The referee begrudgingly gave us a free kick and didn't even warn either of the gay suckoff champions.
  5. I now have to rest up or not make my Badgers Snow Swagger in January due to my injury.

Is this fair? No, but who said anything about fair play or protection against this kind of abuse... I'm just relieved that all I have is a cracked rib.

What the hell am I supposed to do eh?


Wednesday, November 29, 2006

The plot thickens

Whatcha. Had an absolute great time last night, played in a 62 person no-limit texas holdem tournament. Wow! The antes and blinds were vicious, and played a huge part in how you should decide to play - in my case rather poorly. I won the total of 3 hands... and entered into, yep you guessed it - 3.

This carried on for myself until just past midnight and I finished 19th... which is acceptable for 3 hands played I guess. A number of the Napalm Badgers, my housemate and poker fiends joined me - we totalled 7 of the field. My house mate G-man started on my table to add to the spice. I know how he plays and got out of the way everytime he entered into a pot situation. SHA-MONE!

G-man has also requested to write the script for Oh! IsoLA-LA! Apparently it will go something like this:-

Girl 1 lays by the log fire in the snow covered chalet in only a bath robe, then in comes girl 2. She slowly removes all her tight ski clothes and then girl 3 (who was showering) enters the room too... she is naked... I think you get the idea. Weldone G-man!! Infact his story involved the f word more than mine... but we all understand.

Football training tonight. New knees please!


Thursday, November 23, 2006

The red pill...

I love the question "Are we all (is life) just a part of a computer simulation created by our far distant descendants?"

I have read a few arguments for and against... and Nick Bostrum's conclusion has best helped me try to understand this; of the 3 following statements, one must logically be true.

  1. The human race as we know it becomes extinct well before we are technologically advanced enough to create a computer simulation which is so highly advanced that we (if we were a part of it) would never realise the difference between real life simulated life.
  2. In the future, we are advanced enough to be able to create simulated universes where minds may flourish and 'live'... but almost all of humanity agree never to do so.
  3. We are more likely than not to be part of a computer simulated world right now.

Ok, the final statement takes a little bit of courage to believe. There are some scientists who think that this kind of 'virtual reality' technology and computer construction will be available in as little as 50 years! It matters not though if this were to take 10 thousands years to accomplish. The length of time needed to develop the technology changes none of the above 3 statements.

Let us look at statement 1. This is highly probable, as we are all aware of the many complexities of the universe, and how little regard our current civilisation has for one another. Even though this statement can be regarded as a possiblity... I generally hope that we can avoid extintion and live for many hundreds of thousands of years.

As for statement 2. To have the technology to create this simulation, giving them the opportunity to watch history as it happens and the whole of civilisation to universally enter into a pact not to embark upon this voyage, would be a) extremely short sighted and surely would restrict the races evolution from then on, and b) for a pact of this nature to exist, the human race would have to agree to co-operate on a scale never seen before in the history of mankind. Another very very large pill to swallow.

The fact remains that one of these statements must be true, which one is up to you. If statement 3 were the truth - how would you feel about that? Would you go crazy? Deciding that since everything you have lived for and loved was now just a simulation, created by a spotty youth in a long white coat. Controlled by the seemingly faceless future descendants of the human race for the sake of an experitment or for their amusement? You see, if they could create such a universe... over and over and over again for any man or woman to experience. Then 'they' could be anyone you meet in this life. They could be your next door neighbour, happy to invite you over for the odd BBQ during the summer. They could be the Prime Minister... satisfied with the power they have in an world of ages ago. The likelyhood is that if you are not one of them... then you are like me and part of the system. A simulation. If you realised this fact - then maybe you would just go about your everyday life as usual, knowing that you cannot possibly have any impact on the system as we understand it. Imagine, the mathmeticians of years ago, Einstein and Newton. The patterns which they themselves had discovered... are only a small part of the mathematical equations devised by our descendants to create this world we live in. Through quantum physics, it has been proven that the smallest of the smallest of particles know to man are represented by just mathematical equations... it doesn't matter which one of these statements is true really, because each and everyone of them brings bad news to you and me.

  1. Extinction of human race through mass destruction or natural disaster.
  2. Extinction of human race through restricting evolution on a universal scale. Think Star Trek and holodecks. If the human race agreed to enter into this contract, then even the smallest personal useage of this technology could and would make statement 3 more of a possibility than statement 2.
  3. Non existence. You are a simulation - and believe it or not... this is the best result for us.

Finally as sure as eggs are eggs, if we ever find ourselves on the verge of running one of these mass universe simulations, this would be the most powerful argument that statement 3 is right... and forever should we be humbled in our universe.

One of the most powerful arguments to become an agnostic than any other concieved I think.

Kirk out.

Monday, November 20, 2006

Weekend over...

Great weekend! Firstly the gig in the Thekla was too cool for words - I had a great time. After spending some time in bed recovering on Saturday... I managed to make it a poker game and again had a little bit of fun - and luck! I called an all-in by my mate with 8's in the hole after a 3-Ace-6 was shown on the flop. My mate had an Ace... the river brought me the 8 ;-) I was very apologetic. Once finished with poker a few of us headed off to a house party, and left pretty quickly afterwards due to feeling a little out of place... students. Went home.

Chilled apart from that...

Back to work.


Friday, November 17, 2006


Woo....HOO! This weekend will see me and a few friends ripping up the dance floor at the Thekla - Monkey Knife Fight. A bit of electro-a-techno-a-dance stuff... pretty sweet and should be fun.

Apart from that... it's just chilling and shopping I guess. C'mon.

Todays words are:-

Swain (n) 1 suitor. 2 country youth. Not entirely sure how this will fit into conversation tonight or over the weekend... but I may go to a poker match at Bath. I could land that word during the game I think.

Debunk (v) 1 Informal expose the falseness of. Easy one this, everyone bullshits about something at sometime. Or is that just me?

Cuba Fever

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Creative Interlude IV

How do you feel? Life being driven from the backseat,
Emotionless and waiting to be pinched; incredible hunger,
Insatiable desire crossed with lethargic execution; no pity.

The horizon of realisation has been void and distant thus far,
Framed by dark, tall, dusk trees; the obvious path so narrow,
Guide my thoughts, bring peace to my mind, awaken my intelligence.

How does the tormented soul forgive what the eye cannot realise?
How does the tortured mind meditate which it has not understood?
Does the heart feel lost of love? A shield of bone and skin and muscle.

Cuba® 2006

Monday, November 06, 2006

Why do we even care at all?

Self interest may very well be at the root of many the descisions we make - there is a pretty big argument that in order to feel respect for yourself and in turn for others... we have to be self interested and selfish. It sounds like I am saying that you should suddenly start looking after number one and bollocks to the rest... no - this is not what I am saying. Your confidence and strength of character relies upon YOU respecting YOU. If your self worth is weak and you find expressing your individuality and confidence a problem... these emotions will eventually manifest themselves as negative ones. Meaning - you will begin to covertly sway peoples opinon to gain what you need, you may begin to usurp others confidence to boost your own. Eventually you may very well find yourself using devious tricks to mentally and emotionally gainan advantage over others, as doing this openly is regarded as not the 'nice' thing to do. Wakeup please.

To put this simply, ask yourself what would make you happy? Long term and short term - pay particular attention to your answer here. If your actions conflict with these desires, then stop and reflect upon why you are doing the opposite of what you need to do to satisfy your desires and emotions. Emotion and desire are the building blocks of your personality... and no, I don't mean go and commit crimes etc to obtain what you desire as one of your desires should be to remain free and un-incarcerated by the law - isn't it? :-)

Lights out.

Skate weekend...

The last time I skated was around 3 months ago! I was really nervous that I wouldn't be able to ride a conrete bowl without braining myself on the coping or worse... but I had a go anyway.

It was brill!

I did manage to hang up once which catapulted me into the bowl without my ride - giving me a nasty hip bruise and also I bailed when a move went wrong and caught the board under my feet again accidently to end up smacking my body and ribs against the wall of a concrete flat bank... that one really hurt. But I'm still alive alivo! Coolio!

2 friends joined me in our 'return to skating' and the session turned out to be real hardcore rip up fest. Roll on more dry sunny Saturday afternoons...

Thursday, October 26, 2006

My thoughts on bluffing

In my experience (not counting semi or half bluffs) there are 3 types of bluff:-

  1. The lying bastard bluff.
  2. The naughty school boy bluff.
  3. The bluffer wouldn't melt in my mouth bluff.

The LBB (lying bastard bluff)

This bluff is the most common in good poker games and probably the least common in everyday life. This bluff takes skill, and to really understand the bluff - you have to know a little bit about the bluffer and the bluffee. The bluffer - or in this case the lying git. Think about this, what has the bluffer got to gain from this outlandish lie? In poker this could mean that he or she wants to grab a few extra chips, or cripple you and is quite happy to incapacitate themselves during the story telling. That in itself is a powerful statement. Ask yourself these questions when you are thinking about bluffing:-

  • Is it believeable after looking at the hand history? Are you coming across as a conservative player? If yes, then this is a good bluff. If no, then you may very well be called on that alone...
  • Will the bluff if folded, incapacitate completely the bluffee? If this is a yes.. then be prepared to be called. If no... then this is a good time to pull the wool over their eyes.
  • Do you have a history? If you have been called before and found to be bluffing by the bluffee, then do not even think about bluffing!! You have a high chance of being called!! They know this, you must understand this. If your history is that you have been called and found to have a monster pocket pair or maybe a Big Slick... you are in an even money chance if the caller was the same bluffee last time (proceed with caution), and even better seated if it wasn't the bluffee who called you last time.
  • Do you have an element of truth in your lie? Now... a spoon full of sugar definitely makes the medicine go down... BUT NOT if the guy you are spinning lies to is a freeky deeky DOCTOR of medicine. This means that if you already have a half decent truth in your hand and believe because of position and flipped over cards - that they are on the same size hand or slightly over then this is a good time to bluff. You may get a call at first - but if you keep shovelling that crap... you may eventually stink them out and pull off a big bluff. IF however they are in position and the flop was good to them... they may call you down to the end. THIS IS A VERY BAD BLUFF... believe me - I know. Learn to spot this...Ouchy.
  • How do you stand against the rest of the table regarding amount of chips? Low chips mean that your bluffs are usually going to be very weak - you may have the nuts... but someone is always ready take a chance that your luck will not hold out forever... hence this is a bad time to bluff. Play with the nuts and give yourself the best opportunuity to win. Now - conversly, if you are chip leader, then your bluffs have serious weight. The bluffee may well think that you could put their whole chip stack at risk if they called. This a great time to bluff, even better if there is an element of truth about it.
  • How do you appear to the table? You may well have been betting high with great hands and never showing one! To you, you are playing conservatively... but to everyone else - you are a crazy lying biatch and no one so far has had the balls to call you. DO NOT BLUFF OFF THE BACK OF SEVERAL (3 or more) UNSHOWN POT TAKE DOWNS!! Golden rule that. In real life this would represent a tall athletic guy chatting up a bootilicious lady of the highest order with "I'm on a semi pro football/basket ball player" (reasonable bluff if they don't know the sport) "I am single because I can't find that special person - guess I am just a little bit to picky, but I have a son and I only want the best for him" (great bluff - but you are not looking long term here... this is a hit and run bluff) Now... so far the lady has been impressed getting quite excited. "Actually I do some work for charity since my boy has cancer" (now that is again a reasonable bluff - but there is an awful amount for her to process! You are not bigging yourself up too much) "We are planning on a trip around the world with our lottery winnings - do you fancy coming?" Right lets stop there. The bluff kept on going and people can only swallow so much shit before they get all huffy. Now move that last bluff right to the beginning... and maybe you have a uncallable bluff. If ALL the first bits of information were true but no collaborating evidence was provided... then the actual lie would be very hard to believe. Deal with it. Don't bluff unless you have been seen to be straight and truthful.

The NSBB (Naughty School Boy Bluff)

This is a school boy error... when put in a position where only an outlandish lie/bluff will save your ass... be prepared for the bluff to be called and dragged over hot coals. Do not bluff to the max on the back of another bluff which was called. If someone begins to ask questions, then there is no shame in letting everyone know that you were massaging the truth a small amount. If you continue to spin awful lies after you are called and raised then you will go down very quickly... very very quickly. There is always room for a NSBB though, and that is if the bluffee is also on a NSBB. So like school kids you continue to spin trashy truths to each other until one of you over steps the mark and then you are in trouble. You can use the NSBB... but only against itself.

The BWMMM (Bluffer Wouldn't Melt in My Mouth Bluff)

This is an artful dodge and the aim of this bluff to send many different signals trying to misdirect the truth... this being that you have the nuts... or the pits. The former is generally why we would like to use this one. The main reason is because most people will be a little talkative when building up a lie, but when trying to hide strength we go all tight lipped. It's true! So, talk and talk and nudge and grin with this bluff. Lets say we have the nuts, we know we have the opponent out of position and let's say we can only put them on a certain set, or pair or even a flush (but you have the nut flush). Right, the idea is to get information from them... because you can have fun here - the signals you pick up now, may well help you later. This of course will enrage some people. If they become angry they will begin to muster up a bluff which may end up with them all in against you. Others will smile sweetly, as they will feel comfortable that they have beaten you once you start shit talking. YOU MUST PAY ATTENTION! This information is what you need to win matches. Ok, so you want to appear weak... keep talking. Naturally we are all geared up to showing the complete opposite of what we want to show in true life so that we can pull the wool over someones eyes and lie to them. If you try to hide a good hand you will find yourself over acting weak... do not. Act as strong as you can muster - but don't make the mistake of dropping your chips in too quickly. Make sure that they see a moments hesitation first. If you are bluffing, then get your chips in quick - no hesitation! Important to remember this... I have called someones bluff based upon them dropping their chips in quickly. Infact they had a hand and was half bluffing... but the show of strength was a bluff. Interestingly they were on the button and I was short stacked... the raise callled me all-in. ALL these factors pointed towards that he had me beat... but it was because EVERYTHING was pointing this way I became suspicious. I called and won that hand.

Important to realise that we all bluff in poker and slight misdirection is accepted. If you outright talk a complete pack of lies to someone.. they will eventually begin to believe you. Anger may tip them over the edge eventually. SO, if you sense a genuine strength when trying to misdirect them... think about what they may hold once more, look suddenly beaten and ripped off.. then call or go all-in. Drop the axe.

Bluffer Cuba

Winter retreat...

Hey ho people!

The last few weeks have been hecTIC! If I wasn't going first out on live poker games, I was almost being run over or winning internet tournies (WOOHOO!)... I beleive the cruel cruel god of luck (good and bad) has been keeping her eye on me for a number of years.

You see, if you 'chance it' every now and then, and you hang loose to see what happens - then you are rolling the dice of life. Yes, you can arrange the situation so that you are making a good bet - but sometimes this will go wrong. Lets take for example crossing a road. You are most likely to die from a RTA than pretty most any other accident (in this country - lol). If you don't drive then these odds reduce slighly. Well, sit on a moped and drive into traffic and your odds of becoming a splat on someones bonnet are increased somewhat. So we all take risks - yet for some they are measured (belt and braces) and for others... they are fool hardy (by the seat of their pants).

Me? I like to play on the danger side on some things, meaning that my bets are more risky but with a higher pay out. Therefore I in the long run (according to probability) will not quite cut even. BUT... to others I may appear a little lucky. The Luck She Devil... she knows my name and probably loves to mess with my head. Generally though I make conservative decsions based upon long term gains... which will even out my odds of completely screwing up! Now I sweat lots.

The Luck She Devil, yes she watches me and gives me the hits I need to keep on making those instinctive gambles, then one day.... BAM! She has me. Orrrr I live in hope that on the day she decides to concentrate on someone less fortunate... when I make a number of fantastic decisions which change my life for ever (for the good). Thats when I can sit back and grin... hands behind my head - watch the world go by with my friends and family and be content in OUR smug, safe, conservative existence.

My lotto numbers today are..... don't tempt me.


Friday, October 06, 2006

Weekend watch

Hartcliffe (Bristol)
What a cool place! From the inside of G-man's* car, it looked like one big holiday camp without the sun/sea/sand! Picture high rise apartments and children running free with what appeared to be no malice in their innocent heads what so ever! Wow - why can't all low income, segregated ghettos be this nice? After a brief stop at the local co-operative supermarket, I fancied myself as a local. After all - I had been reffered to as "my darlin" 3 times during a transaction between myself and a rather ill looking cash register operator, and I was still breathing!

The poker game went well! After a shakey start.. my chip count started to rise above average... then down again. Of the 29 initial players I came 5th and just one place outside being paid! Lol... a good laff was had by all! At my expense... bloody card sharks!!

Roll on the good time weekend...


Thursday, October 05, 2006

Bring a book

How you doing? Tonight is the night, my first live open poker night with what looks to be 20 other players! I hope I can pick my way into a number of good hands and make a nuisance of myself. One thing which is niggling me at the moment is my promise that I would not play beginners any more.... I believe there will be a number of first timers at this match. They will calling all-ins with just 2 pair and seeing the flop with 8-2 unsuited in the pocket... yep, this is going to be painful. With that in mind, I shall have to be cautious at first and try to bleed my opponents on good hands, I very much doubt that many of my hands will be won by ME on the river tonight... I hate Jacks and I could very well be out early and waiting for my housemate to finish. He is a beginner.

Gary 'Jack Hater' Cuba

Monday, October 02, 2006

Turning a deaf ear

Tinnitus! Yes, the word we all love to hear (oppps - or not) after enduring several hours of painfully load music in a night club or bar. My ears were ringing on Sunday after a night out dancing and drinking. I also play my MP3 player when I run, walk and sit on buses... quite loudly. All this puts me in the 'at risk' group of youngsters who are apparently damaging their hearing beyond repair....

Therefore, after not liking what I am reading on the net... I bought some cheapo ear plugs to see if this helps with the ringing... and use my MP3 player less or with less volume. If you suffer from ringing ears after going out... I suggest you follow suit. Now all I have to do is invent a cool looking ear plug and I'm a millionaire!



Sunday, October 01, 2006

Every cloud has a nasty dark look to it

Hey Blog Blaggers! The end of another weekend... looking forward to work tomorrow.

I finally manged to pick up my beast of a bike Saturday! It is bloody awesome, apart from having to break pretty sharpish once... it was injury free and enjoyment - plenty!

I am posting this entry just as I go to bed after being ejected of a poker game, coming 31st of 178. The top 17 won entry into a poker match with prizes exceeding $7,500... and eventually a possible seat at the APC finals in Goa, with a $1,000,000 prize fund. Gutted, but I will try again soon...

Cuba Gutz

Friday, September 29, 2006

Poo Wars - The last toilet stop

This morning started particularily bad... but suddenly everything just got more interesting - let me explain. After having another long evening out... errrr... discussing current affairs over a glass of wine (yes, thats it... discussions...), I made it home late again, well past my bed time infact.

Anyway, to cut a long and boring story short - I was late into work again! After downing 2 mugs of strong coffee I made my way to the toilet with a big grin on my face... this bathroom call was going to be remembered and treasured by atleast the next 5 bathroom users, if you know what I mean ;-D... I know my bathroom antics are a smidge rumbustious... some may say childish - BUT WHO CARES WHAT SOME PEOPLE SAY! I entered the cubicle to find horror of horrors.... 3, yes 3 of the hugest dollops of man-facies I have ever seen, stinking up the immediate vicinity but more importantly... they were not mine.... wait! Are they man-faecies? Yes they are... definitely.....

Now, I pride myself in being able to contaminate a bathroom room with my morning after deliveries, which usually have a half life of atleast 3 hours - its a victimless crime you see. But what I saw in that big white porcelin bowl was not just poo ever so slowly swelling in brown fibrous toilet water... nooo, what I saw was competition.

Before you ask, no I didn't take a picture of it on my camera phone - what the hell do you take me for? Sheessshhh! But if you do want to see a copy of it, a guy I know actually did take a picture before I flushed it away. Bit of a coincidence that, wow.

So I sat down and added my aroma to the satuated air, the mix was infact incredibly powerful and gave me a headache. I hate headaches, especially poo propergated ones.

We have a war people... and my enemy is unknown to me. Let the battle commence.


Thursday, September 28, 2006

Pictures.... of me

In your FACE file size restrictions... I WIN!!


The wheels on the bus....

Sweet schaweeeeeeet late bus. I managed to get into work 5 minutes late this morning due to no buses turning up on time. That was the first hour long commute... seriously, I could have walked if I had know... but it just makes this weekend coming - thats Scooter Weekend... all the more sweeter... heheheheheheee. YES! Oh and I won another $200 on poker last night... fast becoming my part time jobber, me babber.

Gary the Jedi

Wednesday, September 27, 2006


Bo! I have been completely calm and chilled in readiness for this weekend so far... last weekend after boozing my liver half to death again... lying in a pool of self pity and a small amount of sick on the tongue - I had a chance to think again. Damn, just realised that I have left my damp laundry in the tumble drier for a week... crap.

Thinking is for chumps, and I know I am a chump....... and that is it. I have not decided to suddenly stop grilling myself, merely - I have decided to listen to everyone else a little more. You know... sheep my life up a little. So lets try it.

Cuuuubaaaa Cuuuubaaa (thats my best sheep zombie impression I'm afraid)

Tuesday, September 26, 2006


I have just realised, looking back on my blog-rantings, that I have not discussed my love for snowboarding. I know what you are thinking. That old Gary has picked up a new hobby and is now goner ram it down our throats. Well maybe, the ramming that is. It was in January of 2004 that I decided to take to snow surfing... and the time has come to organise seasons this up and coming snow adventure. Time to book some accommodation and a flight! I need ideas...

...time to call upon the 'old boarding posse', the 'grays on trays', the 'teflon coated speed freaks'.... I'll keep you informed.


Monday, September 25, 2006

Born to be a little stupid

Take a look bloggers... its my new life on the road. No more riding the kerb line and pavements on a skateboard (yeah whatever), no more parking on the road in traffic jams like some kind of chump (yeah you go Gary!)... it's time to crack heads on the proverbial car park which is know as Bristol Rush Hours... you have been warned, I no longer take prisoners. Enter the Zooooooommmmmerrrrrrrr!!

A 50cc moped with attitude (so I am told - I actually pick it up this Saturday! Sssiting!!). This mean machine promises to start every morning, use less pertol than a glider - errr gliding, and deliver me to the office in style and poise. Heheheheee.... what a dork. Ok ok ok... I'm under no illusions. There will be automobile pilots jostling for a few inches of road, readily impinging my effortless headway through the traffic. No doubt there will be pedestrians only too eager to sacrifice the odd leg, arm or head to the scooter princes of Bristol (thats me that is :-D)... but I even with all those threatening my enjoyment of my new beast, I look forward to this weekend. With a hunger... and a little dread... and just a whiff of a poo smell.


Killer Cuba

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Myers.. you dawg!

Weeee! Time to go home soon. So far so good, work is fine and life in general quite upbeat. Feeling fit and my socialable functions are operating within likeable limits. Or so I have been told. Run the Myers Briggs Typology Test this afternoon... again and I am a ENFP with strong INFP attributes too... I am getting used to that forecast now. After taking that damned test so many times, unless I am lying to myself - I am indeed what the test concludes me to be. try it!

Yeah, yeah, I am not just simply what the test has concluded me to be... but I have a strong tendancy to be what Myers and Briggs had predicted all those years ago. Atleast the prediction regarding becoming an Engineer was right, not so sure about the Religious Leader somehow... but it is early days.

Cubism - the God that never sleeps
We the Cubites, believe that sleeping is for the wicked. Infact your body naturally wants to rest and sleep, and what else does it want to do instinctively? YES thats right! Evil, and wicked things! So join us in our vigil to purify our bodies so that we can eventually rise to heaven as a pure soul! Our final journey to meet our saviour will be an awakened one! Remember, sleep is for the wicked.

Thursday, September 14, 2006

Pool party

Hows you Blog Blaggers? I have not been writing on here much recently and wanted to keep the site all updated and stuff.

I have been getting into trouble on the evenings... staying out late and introducing myself to random people. Generally this ends up in thoughtful conversation.. but sometimes not:-

Me - "So how about that pool table eh? Eh? (drunkenly pointing towards it) The top bit is all bent up (meaning the surface is infact slanting or has a slight adverse fall to one or more of it's cushions)".
Random1 - "Yeah-yeah sh*t it does mate! It's all over there innit? (waving hand up and down, towards where most of the balls have just now congregated)"
Me - "This sucks, watch this shot... (grabs the wrong cue, and knocks a pint glass onto the floor)"
Random1 - "HAHAHAHAaaa.. oi that was my pint! F**king stupid drunk!"
Random2 - "Girls! Are you going to play this game or what!?"
Random1 - "It's not pay by the minute dude! Chill out limp wad!"
Me - "Errrr actually it is per minute... " (casting eyes towards the clock above the bar)
Random1 - "Crap!"
Random2 - "Look do I have put you both to bed or are you going to finish your game? (hand tightening round pool cue)
Me - "Hehehehehe, he wants to put you to bed - I forgot your name sorry? Errr..."
Random2 - "Right, that's it..."

Not my finest hour... but glad I could remember it eventually.


Friday, September 08, 2006

Mouth full of money

A few good points and few bad points for today.

Bad - So far I have consumed 15units of my weekly allowance of 22units of alcohol :-C

Good - I am up by the total of $410 in online poker this from last month and this week!!

Bad - I still have not cleaned my room....

Good - Skated into work this morning, taking 15minutes!

Bad - This evening I have to skate home, this time up hill....

It's the pleasure pain thang all over again.

Have a good weekend.


Thursday, September 07, 2006

Pokerage - The age of poker

It is everywhere at the moment isn't it? I'm relatively confident that even if you have never played it before, that you may have been offered a game or know someone who is playing it. It's huge! So far I have spent around 10 months on and off - gambling with friends or online. I have progressed my game but recently I have noticed my weak spots - the areas of my game which are being taken advantage of... and I am worried.

This game speaks a language which is quite common... for all intents and purposes it is an extension of your personality. My weaknesses stem from being over committed when I sense a over compensating eagerness in my opponent (a bluff!). Sometimes I misread this and get caught out. I must learn to be more observant. During the last 10 months I have found that certain skills have increased ie. being able to read a weak hand which may eventually become a monster hand, also my poker face has become stronger, less tell tale. So I can back up and put a hand down... and this is my greatest fault. I tend to be beaten off a lot of hands. Sometimes for no reason ( i feel) I hold onto my cards and call a player all the way to the river and find that they had nothing! I can't explain that - maybe it's my new force skills developing.

There is a lot about my game that I need to practice, but I do not intend on reading any poker books. I believe that reading books will only teach me methods and hints on how to play certain cards at certain times with certain types of players. I cannot see how this is going to give me an edge. I may as well continue to play my own game and develop my reads on people.

A classic read is the very quick raise, or call by an opponent. This is used to reduce the time which other players can focus on that player. This can mean:-

  • A monster hand for a player who wants to disguise it - badly. In which case re-raise, to see where you are.
  • A crap to average hand for a player who wants you to think that they have something better. In which case make sure that you have something good, and call/check (let them bury themsleves), or simply re-raise large enough to bluff them off the pot.
  • A player chasing a flush/straight/set. If you can see this coming, then you can really take them to the cleaners. If you have the nut flush/straight already, then milk them for everything. If you have a decent hand which can only be beaten by what they are chasing... then raise a large one! Get them off, or get them committed. If the flush/straight does not turn up... you have them buried.

I have loads to learn.... wish me luck.

Red Bull - Lifes cancer.

Hey there! It's been a week or so and lots has happened, hold onto your skirts:-

  1. Managed to make it back to 'Homeland' over last weekend. Twas super, played a bit of golf (hehehe I said played golf - of course I meant golf ball hunting), also I was able to see my family and lounge around a little.
  2. Started my new job - the usual forms to fill out, induction, introductions yadda yadda. So far I have been using the bus in the mornings (30mins)... may try to skate commute tomorrow (lightspeed - will be there before I left).
  3. Footie went well! We lost, but we were playing well between ourselves. We may very well win another game soon... I get knock down, I get knocked down, I get knocked down - but I get back up again, you are never going to keep me down... I....
  4. Thought about doing some decorating in my room (yes thought), and decided just to clean it up a bit. I may put up some posters and stuff.
  5. Got my eye on a nice camera at the moment... can I bring myself to buy it? Maybe I should just buy another digi compact camera? Grumble grumble grumble
  6. Decided to start creating my monster skate vid. It will include lots of pictures of my skate/bike buddies doing their thang...

Wow, there is an awful lot on my to do list again. A curse on laziness!!

Get lost you!


Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Monkey business

I had a late late night last night. No my fault... just how things turned out I'm affraid.

Returning home with my tail between my legs after yet another drubbing at the hands of a youthful 5 a side football team, I chilled out with my house mates and caught up with their weekends happenings. Generally everyone seemed quite optimistic that this coming weekend was going to be more eventful.

I finally decided to retire to my room about 11pm and switched on my computer to quickly download any emails and maybe just play a quick hand or two of poker (as you do). Email was erratic, and my internet connection kept timming out - but I got all my new messages through. Then I sparked up my poker software and challenged a table full of Turkish and American amateur poker players.... ok it was 200 of them:-

The computer screen loaded up the first of 20 tables - announcing my arrival and the first hand was delt to me. I looked good for the first hand.. a pair of jacks, not bad. Firmly I made the first raise of the hand and quickly the computer timed me out and ejected me out of the hand. DARN!

After restarting my computer - the software loaded up once more and I was just a large blind and my raise down from my initial stack of chips... as expected. Amazingly though, 23 players had already been knocked out! I was in the last 177. I checked the 'i'm back' button and the room crashed... this time I managed to re-load up the room with only a small blind lost. Still I looked good, I was in the last 169 and only just under the average stack.

Feeling a little stressed I gingerly pressed the 'i'm back' (IMB) button and the cards began to fly around the table, this time I had low unsuited connectors. Fold.

Then it crashed again. Screwing up my face and raming my forehead with my fist, I went about restarting my machine another time. I had lost no chips but was next inline for the large blind and had pocket queens!! Oh yes... taking this pocket pair to the bank baby! Crash. F*%$£%* F*&£$%%!!

Ok, ok, calm down. By the time i had managed to reconnect to the room I had lost another big and small blind. 35 minutes had passed and I had not played a single hand, also I had lost 300 chips from a starting 1500... the average being just over 2000. I think I was about 139th. A 5 minute dealer break began as I was loading up the room again. Crash.

After screaming like a monkey for a few moments, I began dancing like one whilst mashing the keyboard in some vain attempt to speed up the recovery of my poker room screen... O-O-O-A-A-AAAAAAA!

After 15 minutes of not being able to connect, I eventually caught glimpse of my progress, 700 chips and in the top 120! Stuff it, I pressed 'All-in' in the hope that I may win enough chips to keep my enforced folding action going - CRASH! AAAAA-OOO-O-A-O-o-O? AAAAAARRRGGGGHH!!

Once again I connected and managed to go 'all-in' with a 3 and a 5 unsuited, 550 chips and lost. Thank f*%$ for that.....

Now begins the painful journey into understanding wireless networking and trouble shooting...


Sunday, August 27, 2006

Wrinkly winker

The morning after. It took me a while to get out of bed this morning, a few beers with my family and a friends in my home town. I met for the first time my neice and god daughter too! Very cute little girl... and apart from the constant wriggling and winking at me, she was fairly quiet too! Awesome!

After dragging a few of the locals out for a beer, we all ended up speaking the drunken language later on - not making much sense and really annoying anyone sober. Serves them right.

Managed to of load at least £10 into a quiz machine, before I realised that in fact I am not the brain of Britain and booze makes me even less so. I would like to believe that I have learned a lesson there... hmmmmm.

Much more drink and many more embarrassing conversations later we all were eventually chucked out of the pub.

Signing off...

Saturday, August 26, 2006


Well, I got back to my home county safe enough, if only a litle bit later than expected.

Last evenings poker game was quite eventful! It was the first time I had seen Collie win a match and a much deserved win it was... even though it was at the expense of myself who came second once again. Clawing my way back from only having a big blind to bet was my own personal highlight. Proper BO! I tell thee!

My house mates joined in for this particular round, one of them quite an accomplished shit-talker! He was ruffling feathers and sending all kinds of tell tales and wrong signals - LOL. It was exciting.


Thursday, August 24, 2006

We are who we are....who are you?

This interesting (if some what short article) was found in The New Scientist written in 2003. I had no idea that the biologically accepted age limit for personality change was 30 years. Further studies have suggested that this is no longer the case. We are talking about a socially adept person whose personality changes to complement the surrounding environment. Maybe 'changes' is a harsh word - how about, 'is sympathetic to the surrounding environment'? The article presensents to us that we infact are in control of the way we choose to grow, and how our Big 5 ( is affected by our age.

I like the thought that we are all still able to adapt and redefine ourselves on a continous basis...

24-23-31-26-25 Thats me!

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

You can't keep a good blogger down!

Hey, so this is what happened over the weekend and week so far. Nothing too exciting yet...

Friday saw me and 7 other pokerettes play a massive game of Texas Holdem. The stakes were average for us (£10) and the blind raising was vicious. We had a winner at 12pm again, it was not me though - I fell at the final hurdle after calling an all-in then loosing the head to head on the river. Remember the card - a JACK! I really do hate jacks. They should leave jacks out of the deck... (good news is that I doubled my stake!) Yipeeeeeee boink... back down to Earth.

Saturday saw me shopping with my house mate for a car... my prolonged and repeated efforts to convince him to buy a Porsche or atleast a Mercedes were in vain - he had his heart set on a VW Polo. Bless. A gay blue one. Bless.

Later on I managed to cook up a HOT chilli and all the house went out for a few drinks, and a few more drinks and yes I blew my 22 units again... only by 5 units though! Still feeling good about my move to reduce my alcohol intake. Oh yeah, the city centre is now rife with stag and hen parties. So far the best group were superhero costumes. No Spiderman though - for shame....

Sunday was incredibly unproductive, I managed for the 3rd time this year to laze around in my bath robe all day and not change. Hmmmm soooo lazy....

Football on Tuesday was agony, on and off the pitch. We lost miserably and one of the opponents team was called Jack. I hate jacks.

So how is the week panning out? Welllll, I have an exciting Friday planned - POKER (a trend is forming) and socialising, then a flight back to my homeland to see my family and friends. BIG BIG weekend of catching up.

Before I sign this entry off though - I have been thinking of a poker nickname for myself. I am a little loose sometimes and also I like to play the odd mind game. so maybe I could be Jedi Cuba? Or Gary 'the Jedi' Cuba? It's a bit egotistical to give myself a nickname so ... I should tease it into the games. HMMmm you seek a flush, yes? E-he-he-heee... When chasing a flush you not reach, look as good as my pair of 5's you will not e-he-he-he-he.... I just hope that they don't start calling me Yoda-Cuba.



Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Midweek update

We won!! Yes, our first win in 5-a-side football for Napalm Mucker Ho FC... well happy. We thrashed the opposition 10-5, with Al* playing out of his skin and my housemate and our new goalkeeper doing a great job!

Afterwards I had 1 unit in the form of a shandy - pretty good eh? My weekend is looking like a non-sober one. Over the moon.

Ok that leaves me to sort out my car bumper, my new jobs contract documents, the house bills, the hoovering, blah blah blah blah blah blah......

*Al - New footie player and poker buddy.

Monday, August 14, 2006

Weekend over.. and out.

I had a fine weekend actually, place aside the non-eventful Friday, forget loosing at poker on Saturday and ignore spending 4 hours trying to finely tune our households new wireless network with my housey. All in all, a lot had been accomplished. I even managed a midnight skate on Saturday... awesome!

Alcohol units last week:- I scored 23 out of the recommended 22. Not bad, and to be fair an awful lot happened during the week to cause celebration.

This weeks target is 10 again with 12 at the weekend.Let us hope I manage to keep to the limit this time...


Saturday, August 12, 2006

Saturday.. and its still morning!!

One of the first times in which I stayed in all night on a Friday, inevitably lead to a nice long sleep and woke up fresh in the morning. So I grabbed my football and headed on to the Downs with my house mate. Got dog shit on my combat trousers and went home.

I have decided that I hate dog owners. Dogs are fine poo'ing every where - but the owners need to be taught a lesson or two.


Friday, August 11, 2006

The Napalm Mucker Ho's - Game On!

This blog entry is dedicated to the members of the Napalm Mucker Ho Football Club (NMHFP), a 5-a-side soccer team playing in the Filton PRO5 Tuesday League.

After training hard and hunting down the very best from my work place and friends of work colleagues, we entered the cage fight - that 5-a-side football.

July 25th
Our first game was against SUB'REF'. Everyone was pretty nervous and shaky to start with - but we began stringing some passes together after going 2 goals down in 10minutes. When we began stuffing a few goals away oursleves we led 6-3! It was looking like an awesome start to our season... until our fitness failed us of course. Eventually with 5mins of the second half left we found ourselves 9-7 down and looking pretty knackered. I managed to put us to within one goal of a draw with 2 mins to go after a series of neat passing from our inexperienced team. With only seconds to go, a ball was fed directly to my feet infront of goal and the keeper charged out and began to slide toawrds my legs, a quick side step and a side footed pass into the back of the net drew us level. The whistle blew! Our first game and a single point, everyone was incredibly happy and looking forward to next week. Players were:- Me, Rich, RobA, RobB, Matt, Andy and Tim. Pro5 Man of the match - Me, Players Man of the Match - Tim.

August 1st
We played Dirty Old Town for our second game and found ourselves 5-0 down in around 7mins. It was torture. We managed to pull 3 goals back by half time (20mins) and the score stood at 6-3 to the opposition. Never had I seen such a dirty game! They were pushing us against the walls, chasing us into corners and bouncing us off the floor. Quite simply they wanted the win an were happy to bully us into submission. Tim gave as good as he got and scored 2 goals to boot! After an embarrassing 40mins of football we ended up loosing 4-13. Players were:- Me, Rich, RobA, RobB,Matt,Andy, and Tim. Players Man of the Match - Tim and Rich.

August 8th
With RobH out injured and our solid performer Tim gone also, we looked for more players and found 3 new ones! Our 3rd game was between us and the current divsion leaders Not Very Athletic. I kind of hoped that since the last team were named Dirty Old Town.. and they played dirty... would mean that Not Very Athletic were going to be not very athletic and fat. Again we had 5 goals go past us in around 6mins, after tightening up our marking we survived the rest of the first half without conceeding anymore and scoring 2 ourselves. 5-2 to the oppo after 20mins. The 2nd half began badly and we went behind another 4 goals in around 4mins, our marking completely loose and innafective. We managed rescue some pride with another 5mins of not conceeding and scoring 2 more ourselves. Our new man Dave sticking away 2 cool, calm and collected goals under pressure. The score was 9-4 to the oppo. Then for the remaining time we marked well, but allowed them to shoot from everywhere and anywhere. They romped home the winners with a massive 15 goals to our 4. Rich, our goal keeper - very annoyed and helpless against the onslaught of shots. Time to talk tactics. Players were:-Me, Rich, RobA, Matt, Andy, Dave, Ben and Tom. Pro5 Man of the Match - Rich, Players Man of the Match - Me.

We train on Monday...


Thursday, August 10, 2006

New day, new dawn...

Last evening, when returning home I found the letter that I had been waiting for on my door mat - a week early. After sweating a little bit, I decided to open it and see if I had passed my professional exam... and thank F#@* I DID!

Not going to mean much to most of you, but I am now a professionally qualified Engineer for my troubles. I celebrated last night with my house mates by drinking another 2 units of alcohol! Leaving me with 1 unit left for the week - this equates to a pint of lager-shandy.... or a glass of bubbly! I will use it wisely.

CUBA!! Ariba ariba!!

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Keeping it real!

Sorry for boring the pants off of you but its a Big Brother Special...

Nominated this week are Richard and Imogen.

I must admit to not really keeping tabs on this past week but watched with glee as the previously evicted 4 housemates (Mikey, Nicky, Grace and Lea) were all reinstated into the BB household (albeit the house next door). I have however been watching and spitting at the nominations being made! How on this God's earth is Aisleyne still in the house?

The only person who knows what is going on is Richard, but unfortunately for him - no one will listen as they all seem to mistrust his rantings regarding her and anyone else. So for all his helpful hints and the odd prod and poke at her... the remaining stupid housemates remain... well... stupid.

It is true that she (meaning Aisleyne) has been through an awful lot in the BB house, resulting in almost a nervous breakdown from what I can make out... if it were anyone else, they surely would have gone crazy and gotten themselves picked upon and eventually evicted. As far as I can read, the remaining house mates have seen both the worst and the very worst of Aisleyne, yet they still seem to forgive her. Make no mistake this lady is very strong, all the evidence point towards her having a strong, willful personality with high machiavellian tendancies. Even the letter form her father had an under current of coded meaning and intelligence.

I think that she will go far, her artful deception has only been challenged by Richards 'reality check' type comments... and at this point in the game it appears to be a war that Aisleyne is winning. Lets hope that Richard stays in to continue this compelling duel... finally can we all remember that as the next housemate is being evicted on friday... a new one will be coming in - holding an awful amount of dirt on our resident Valkyrie... let the battle commence.

I drunk another single unit of alcohol last night, bring my total up to 7... boy-oh-boy-oh-boy...


141hours and 25minutes left.....

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

The Countdown

Hi Blog Blaggers, I wish to add in also another counter along with the units of alcohol which I have consumed... and this is a final countdown to receiving my professional exam results in the post. They will be sent out on the 14th August (next Monday), I should receive them the next day. Wish me luck...

170hours and 37minutes left


I came to a decision over the weekend... I shall reduce my weekly alcohol intake to no more than 10 units. For your information this equates to 5 pints of lager/beer/cider or 5 glasses of wine (a bottle) or 5 spirit measures or a mixture of the above! According to doctors, the safe limit for men is infact 21 units (no more than 4 units a day)... so, feeling very smug with my health , general well being and liver looking safe for a while I headed on into the week.

No alcohol

The drunken Gods are against me, I ordered a round of drinks which included a pint of cider for me in Alter Ego (White Ladies Road), not normally a problem, but on Monday they have this perverse promotion where once you have orderd your round of drinks - you can then toss a coin with the bar man. If you guess the flip correctly, then you recieve the same round again - free of charge. Yes... free of charge. So my house mate Rudolf* guessed the toss and we won, add to that a pint of cider before we entered the bar... and I have blown 6 units in one night (which according to doctors is a bad thing). The rest of week looks pretty sober now.

Oh well, not really planned anything this weekend anyways...


*Rudolf - is my house mate, but this is not his real name. I have changed it to protect the innocent.

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

HOUSESHARE in CLIFTON - 2 professionals needed

Don't worry everyone, this is not an advertisement, I have already found my new house mates.

Blow job

Not so long ago, both my housemates announced thier plans to move out from the shared house by the end of July. Splitting up an almost 2 year old relationship... but onwards and upwards and all that jizz. so I began to advertise.

I initially thought that this mission to find 2 like mined professionals to share my home for the past 2 years with was going to be a great laff. *cut to Frosties advert and.. "it's going to be great, it's going to taste great!"

Of course I found out how potentially stressing this whole situation was - the hard way... by relying on the good nature of strangers....

It is because of this experience that I have tried to help you (the blog blagger) out with tips on advertising, interviewing and eventually choosing housemates for your houseshare home:-

  1. The first and golden rule which everyone has heard of yet never still seem to pay attention or really believe in it - Never move in with a friend/mate. Generally your expectations are that much higher for your friends... they are supposed to really understand what upsets and pleases you after all. You will forgive absolute strangers the most unforgiveable things and hence learn to live with thier little idiosyncrasies (laziness) e.g. not taking out the trash, not cleaning toilet skid marks, walking around semi-naked whilst your parents visit etc. etc.
  2. Advertise early. always give yourself plenty of time to choose and interview potential housmates. This allows you the time to mull over the short list and worry yourself crazy, invading your sleep, work and causing stress. Second thoughts, don't advertise. Just ask at work and choose the first desperate person you come across.
  3. Interview them like you genuinely wish to know what makes them tick. Ask them lots of silly questions, for example, do you like to clean and dust in the nude? Or, do you like clean and dust? Or finish em off with simply, do you clean? Pause, then vigoursly record their response on your imaginary note book on your lap - under the table out of view.
  4. Finally choosing the house mate and potential best mate. If they have not already run a mile, then this is a good sign. This means that they are a real push over and will generally fold in any argument where you cry or throw a Nicky* like paddy. Sign em up. Also, for the record - it would never hurt to keep texting that hotty who declined the houseshare to see if hell is any closer to being forzen over. The first signs of hell begining to cool off and believe it... you are in there!!

*Nicky from Big Brother... sorry


Monday, July 10, 2006

Killer karma

It's been a while since I wrote on here... I will try and be less lazy in future.

Crazy shit that has happened I since the last time:-

  • Found a great way to release tension - brought myself a gym. Unfortunately I needed a good 3 months of heavy weights to build enough strength just to assemble the damn thing. Cheers to Augustus for helping out a man in need.
  • Downloaded a Beach Boys album - it's so naff that I nearly ripped out my hard drive trying to rid my ears of the fowl stench of music coming from the computer speakers. DIE DIE DIE!!
  • I completed the 3 peaks challenge! Yes, I spent 24hours of my life chilling on the side of GB's 3 tallest peaks! If you believe that - then you'll believe anything. I was shivering and in pain. I had a great time.
  • Not many odd encounters with girls... which in itself is crazy shit. Especially if you know me that is. It's a matter of normailty for me to find the oddest, most fantasictically funny encounters (sketches is a better word) with girls ever... the weeks not over yet. Stay tuned.
  • Again, not entirely crazy this, but worth a mention. IF ANY OF YOU BOY RACERS DECIDE TO FOLLOW ME AROUND A ROUNDABOUT (3 TIMES) BEEPING YOUR HORN AND MAKING RUDE GESTERS, THEN BE PREPARED TO REALLY UPSET ME. Damn, I was so upset that I very nearly went to bed without properly moisturising my face AND neck. That kind of behaviour will not be tolerated.

Ok, thats it for now. Oh, and finally - if you were out on a stag do in Birmingham 3 weeks ago and stole a guys cowboy hat (because you were blind drunk, and exhibiting the signs of premature baldness) then go **** yourself... I loved that hat - it came to NZ with me. Git.

Cuba signing off for another night... x

Sunday, March 05, 2006

Skank Sessions - now in session...

Hey Bloggers.

Just finished a packed weekend full of skating, beering and pretty interesting chat (photos coming soon...). It all started on Friday, my very good chum (and stand up fellow) Dr T* and I managed to cram in a wonderfully presented, home made casserole before taking to the mean streets of Brissle in search of a drunken adventure... and ended up a bit worse for wear. Been planning to go to a skate jam on the Saturday for a while, so waking up still drunk, tired and hungover was not the best of starts.

First stop - Hengroove. Dr T, Sunny D* and I decided that our pre-jam jam would see us warming up in chav-city central - and so begins the Skank Session. More my idea, I'm afraid to say. I kinda got bored and skanked a few tricks from my buddies - much to their disgust. Merrily shouting "SKANKED!" everytime I hit up one of their favoured ones. I must admit... I was having much fun with this - until I managed to pre-empt the stomping of a trick particularily favoured by Dr T and arsed it up. Needless to say - I received no help in exiting the bowl with a bad case of ankle bite. Karma... as Sunny D would say, I just call it rotten luck ol' chap, and a wicked turn of events - what?

More about this weekend to come soon....

Dr T* A charming fellow. He has natural MC'ing skills which, in combination with his high moral standing and consideration for others, makes him a very unique personality.

Sunny D* Easy going, archetypal surf dude. Skates with commitment and parties like its 1999.


Sunday, February 19, 2006

The mirror....

Sorry Bloggers... I have just come over all incredibly reflective and am not enjoying the reverb.

Here comes one of those nasty bottle necks of emotion and regret - a list of things which are currently vexing me:-
  • All the things that you wish you could have said to someone when it mattered to them.
  • Hatred of my poor judgement - then disgust at my innability to act in a timely fashion.
  • Fear... fear of this whole damn shooting match when things are not going according to plan!
  • There is a plan!!??!!
  • Seeing my weaknesses in others around me and not being able to act upon this - do myself a favour,
  • Anger, currently I am experiencing an awful amount to anger.
  • My distrust, unforgiveness, and lack of humanity.

... it is odd that when - in a time of my life where i feel that I have made some progress and I am finally making good on the bullshit that I have been self feeding on... I get an attack of the "I'm worthless", again. I need a good nights sleep - I think.

Cuba :-(

The Jukebox - insert 20p please

I have been skating like my life depended on it lately, and it occurred to me - maybe there is more to life (honestly). So lets check out the music I have been listening to try and work out whats going on...

The Cubic Mix 1
  1. Personal Jesus - Depeche Mode Remixed 1989. Ah, well, this track was introduced to me by a friend - pretty new wave and electronica... I think the outlook is good if I am spinning this one on my MP3 player.
  2. Honest Mistake - The Bravery. Great track, great album. Always gets me going - these boys rock and I will always find space on my meager hdd for a track of theirs.
  3. You only live once - The Strokes. Seedy guitar... great vocals - real good fun and pushes me deep into my skating head. No problems here.
  4. Juicebox - The Strokes. Of course this will be the next track on my MP3 player! Wakes me up and gets the juices going.
  5. Break stuff - Limp Bizkit. Heheheheheheheheeeeee... swearing and shit, bite me.
  6. Eat me alive - Limp Bizkit. A bit more melody to this track and welcome heavy body rocking thrash. Its good you hear?
  7. Another great escape - King Prawn. My goodness... this gets me ollie'ing a good few inches higher than usual, pushing and pumping harder... the world becomes a blurr and I am the only one skating in the park. BOOM!
  8. I feel the love - Flip and Fill. Proper cruising with energy now... uplifting dance/trance special.

Looking at the above music line.. nothings seems out of order - I check out ok. Time for another skate (when it drys out a little anyway).

Cuba x

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