Wednesday, July 19, 2006

HOUSESHARE in CLIFTON - 2 professionals needed

Don't worry everyone, this is not an advertisement, I have already found my new house mates.

Blow job

Not so long ago, both my housemates announced thier plans to move out from the shared house by the end of July. Splitting up an almost 2 year old relationship... but onwards and upwards and all that jizz. so I began to advertise.

I initially thought that this mission to find 2 like mined professionals to share my home for the past 2 years with was going to be a great laff. *cut to Frosties advert and.. "it's going to be great, it's going to taste great!"

Of course I found out how potentially stressing this whole situation was - the hard way... by relying on the good nature of strangers....

It is because of this experience that I have tried to help you (the blog blagger) out with tips on advertising, interviewing and eventually choosing housemates for your houseshare home:-

  1. The first and golden rule which everyone has heard of yet never still seem to pay attention or really believe in it - Never move in with a friend/mate. Generally your expectations are that much higher for your friends... they are supposed to really understand what upsets and pleases you after all. You will forgive absolute strangers the most unforgiveable things and hence learn to live with thier little idiosyncrasies (laziness) e.g. not taking out the trash, not cleaning toilet skid marks, walking around semi-naked whilst your parents visit etc. etc.
  2. Advertise early. always give yourself plenty of time to choose and interview potential housmates. This allows you the time to mull over the short list and worry yourself crazy, invading your sleep, work and causing stress. Second thoughts, don't advertise. Just ask at work and choose the first desperate person you come across.
  3. Interview them like you genuinely wish to know what makes them tick. Ask them lots of silly questions, for example, do you like to clean and dust in the nude? Or, do you like clean and dust? Or finish em off with simply, do you clean? Pause, then vigoursly record their response on your imaginary note book on your lap - under the table out of view.
  4. Finally choosing the house mate and potential best mate. If they have not already run a mile, then this is a good sign. This means that they are a real push over and will generally fold in any argument where you cry or throw a Nicky* like paddy. Sign em up. Also, for the record - it would never hurt to keep texting that hotty who declined the houseshare to see if hell is any closer to being forzen over. The first signs of hell begining to cool off and believe it... you are in there!!

*Nicky from Big Brother... sorry


Monday, July 10, 2006

Killer karma

It's been a while since I wrote on here... I will try and be less lazy in future.

Crazy shit that has happened I since the last time:-

  • Found a great way to release tension - brought myself a gym. Unfortunately I needed a good 3 months of heavy weights to build enough strength just to assemble the damn thing. Cheers to Augustus for helping out a man in need.
  • Downloaded a Beach Boys album - it's so naff that I nearly ripped out my hard drive trying to rid my ears of the fowl stench of music coming from the computer speakers. DIE DIE DIE!!
  • I completed the 3 peaks challenge! Yes, I spent 24hours of my life chilling on the side of GB's 3 tallest peaks! If you believe that - then you'll believe anything. I was shivering and in pain. I had a great time.
  • Not many odd encounters with girls... which in itself is crazy shit. Especially if you know me that is. It's a matter of normailty for me to find the oddest, most fantasictically funny encounters (sketches is a better word) with girls ever... the weeks not over yet. Stay tuned.
  • Again, not entirely crazy this, but worth a mention. IF ANY OF YOU BOY RACERS DECIDE TO FOLLOW ME AROUND A ROUNDABOUT (3 TIMES) BEEPING YOUR HORN AND MAKING RUDE GESTERS, THEN BE PREPARED TO REALLY UPSET ME. Damn, I was so upset that I very nearly went to bed without properly moisturising my face AND neck. That kind of behaviour will not be tolerated.

Ok, thats it for now. Oh, and finally - if you were out on a stag do in Birmingham 3 weeks ago and stole a guys cowboy hat (because you were blind drunk, and exhibiting the signs of premature baldness) then go **** yourself... I loved that hat - it came to NZ with me. Git.

Cuba signing off for another night... x

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