Wednesday, February 14, 2007

A tentative stab at the online dating lark...

Good evening. I had thought about using the internet route to finding a nice girl of non mental tendancies - you know a thoughtful, articulate and happy one. Then I found out that I was at best only 'happy' myself... so beggers can't be choosers (only JOKING!). I have used the internet lots in the past to share my feelings, keep in contact with old friends (just last night I was able to catch up with an old house mate and find out how cool his life is at the mo)... I also have used it to make some really good new friends too. Alas though... most of the time, those friendships remained in cyberspace :-c

So! Alore! I decided about 2 years ago to advertise my wares in earnest on the internet in an attempt to snag myself a gorgeous lady who was feeling the same way I did or had similar interests... in effect - doubling my chances of meeting a cool gal (pretty slick eh?). The end result? Well I think that I am ready to spill the beans on what a wierd world this internet dating lark is. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't until 6 months ago that I joined an actual internet dating site. Until then I had only posted up a profile and chatted away to whoever crossed my path. Nether-the-less... I think I can talk with a certain amount of authority on the subject now.

In the beginning. The initial excitement was hard to deny. Lots of different types of ladies from all walks of life wanting to hear about you - I felt quite chuffed really. This feeling didn't last long though. Un opened responses to emails, messages going unreplied for weeks! It was like being dumped every day of every week for months. That takes it toll on your self confidence, but once you finally realise that this is only just cyberspace and everybody seems to ...well... always be looking out for the bigger better deal or lying to be quite honest - then you can begin your search with a renewed vigor. Ladies are more likely to be 'courting' more cyberpeople at once, as in real life too. No arguments there. Some are quite open and up front about it - bless you ALL! Some are like.... well... guys about it - we should all go to HELL! Remember, and this is a very important fact about internet dating and web community pages... if you are especially senistive to being; ignored, picked on, stalked, bored to death, ignored and dumped... then just don't do it. It is like real life x10, you get to chat to many many more people that you couldn't possibly accomplish down the pub or on a night out. Therefore you increase your chances of finding bad apples as well as really nice sweet people.. and I mean that. There are some great ladies out there - and I have had the fortune to meet and chat to my fair share of them. I have also spent months talking (more like councilling) to others who are having troubles in their lives. I know they appreciated it - I certainly did!

I managed to cultivate cyber relations with many interesting people.. but what happened when we met? This is where it either makes a relationship - or breaks it. Once I joined an internet dating site (6 months ago) I found myself chatting to gals who would regularily complain about unwanted attention (cyber stalkers) or just way too much of it! It is true... there are more guys on the net searching for potential new friends... but I still maintain there are more girls who are serious about finding that special someone than the guys realise. Just my opinon.

When you are contacted by, or contact a potential new friend - be assured that no matter how much they play it down - THERE ARE MORE GUYS or GALS SPEAKING TO THEM OR ARRANGING DATES WITH THEM IN CYBERSPACE. This is a golden rule - this is why we do this! We have a site which has over a million members (thousands in your area) all of who want to learn more about you! Whatever you do, don't be put off if a girl/guy tells you that they are currently in comunication with lots of other potential dates... this is just the way it is. You have to be as picky and play the game. Alore! I didn't want to use that word GAME... but unfortunately if it is not a game... then it is a delicate set of rules which none of us speak or completely understand - but we just get on with it. He or she dares - wins.

So you have a short list of potential partners or friends. Important! Have fun. Don't treat it too much like a date, unless you both have agreed that it is! Meeting for coffee is simply meeting for coffee. This a way to speak openingly in the flesh to a new friend and really try to learn about them. If the sparks fly and you still want to see this now 'real' person... then arrange a date of course.

These dating sites are here to provide everyone with the largest opportunity to meet and chat with the largest amount of people possible (whilst making money for them). They don't care how you spend your precious moments with the opposite sex (or same sex!). They don't care if you hurt other members feelings by standing them up or cutting off contact completely for no reason. This forum makes this form of rudeness and pickiness possible, very easy infact. A large number of the members who walk the cyber corridors of internet dating agencies are very serious predators and accomplished veterans at the game too. They know what they want - and will not care too much for the feelings of a person who has just left a 5 year relationship and is tentatively trying to get back into dating. Do not take this personally... keep your wits about you and be honest and open as much of the time as possible. This will see you right in the long run, trust me.

I am not a big fan of these sites, infact I would always rather meet someone (and continue to do so) when I am least expecting it.. thats my romantic side I guess. Never will I sign these sites off as a waste of time though! They have a place, a purpose. Especially with those who have no time to meet others through less forced circumstances. These sites hone your dating skills and communication skills. These dates can increase your confidence to make right decisions, and take knock backs on the chin without it hurting too much.... well sometimes lol.

Hey, if anyone asked me if they should go for it - I would say yes. It's too much of a learning experience to let it pass you by.

A quick word to all those out there who are highly sceptical regarding these sites... think on this. You are right to be a little bit sceptical about the types of character who invade the cyberspace, this can apply to real life and being chatted up in a bar too. You are correct to believe that it is easy to lie or bend the truth on your personal profiles, again this applies completely to real life too lol. If you are worried about what your friends may think... then don't. If your motives are honourable and you expect nothing more than a little bit of fun meeting new guys or gals, then do it and stop being so judgemental. An incredible amount of young folk use these sites to exchange ideas and keep in touch - to expand their knowledge of their own habitat and it's occupants, breaking free from their normal circle of friends. How cool is that?

Live long and prosper cattle people.

Cuba-ruba x

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