Saturday, August 18, 2012

Apocalypse Bunker - how to build one

Interesting title? Sure, but not as interesting as the dream that led to me writing this post for you.

Imagine, lying in the bed that you grew up in to be woken up by the smell of burning turds [sorry I can't explain it, let's just say the smell was NASTY]. Calling out to your parents or siblings is met with no response apart from a strange muffled screaming sound in the distance.

A breeze feathers into your room, carrying with it even more of the eye-watering smell, then you are part blinded by the flash of lightening rolling under a dark patch of angry looking clouds. Wait, they are not clouds, they are smoke columns! They seem to be appearing from just behind the local park and some tall trees.

The sun is low and catches the shiny bodies of several dark, leathery winged creatures swooping down towards the base of the smoke columns, dropping heavily shredded lumps of 'something' onto hidden bonfires. 

In the street you see a women darting between the cover of hastily abandoned cars. She is spotted by one of the winged monsters and plucked screaming into the air; just as she was climbing into the back of one of them. 

The monster flaps twice before breaking the women in two with its bird like legs and claws. Then heads back towards the bonfire carrying it's bloody, stringy cargo.

Stifling your scream you duck below the window cill and look for a place in the room to hide. Just then a tremendous crash is heard from the loft, and then comes the sound of sharp talons smashing their way through the fragile tiled roof above...

Off the back of another wonderously vivid dream I decided that it was time to design and build myself a hidey-hole. An apocalypse bunker.

It can't be too obvious, so I'm going to have to get creative. 

After chucking out the idea of a reinforced bed so I can hide under it, my attention was diverted towards our frightfully large wardrobe :) Secret compartment!
  • Step One - remove the 3 drawers and the top wooden plate. 
  • Step Two - reposition the top plate, but with a hinge connecting it to the back of the wardrobe. It can now open and close like an ottamon. Good word that! Ottamon.
  • Step Three - chuck out the clothes and remove the timber fascias to 2 of the drawers. Re-attach them so they look real and not false.
  • Step Four - cut down the third drawer to only a few inches of draw space and then re-attach to wardrobe. Push some socks in there and hang out a crap pair of boxer shirts to give the impression of a real drawer.
Right now you will have a gap to fit in, which is accessible from the top. Be sure to attach a latch which will lock the lid from the inside.
  • Step Five - stockpile some provisions. Not sure what yet, probably best do a google search on items to stash in case of a zombie invasion. It's the same thing really, 'the end of the world apocalypse' or a zombie horde tearing up the neighbourhood.
Right with that, I will crack on with my day with what ever credibility I have left...


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